Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
You can never read a doctor`s prescription, but you can sure read his bill
The only "B" word you should call a woman is "beautiful"... B!tches love being called beautiful.
Apparently you have to go to the gym more than once to get in shape, what the hell.
Taking shots of Tequila is just another way of saying, "I like where I wake up to always be a surprise."
My sex tape would just be called Home Alone.
You learn something new everyday and if you didnt know that then you just did.
TV needs to stop putting up those stupid “viewer discretion” warnings. My mom is sick of me calling her for clearance.
Sure you can try and tell me what to do. Or you can keep your teeth.
If you`re camping and you have WiFi, you`re not camping.
When a cashier asks if you have a rewards card, look down, sigh, and say, "My wife took everything when she left"
Cashier: "Would you like to donate to charity today or are you a giant piece of sh!t?"
Take my advice, I’m not going to use it.
Singing in the shower is illegal according to this Ikea security guard.
I make self-sabotage look like an art form.
I have many hidden talents. Just wish I could find `em.