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Sadly, the opposite sex is ignoring me like a check engine light.
I just got kicked out of the Zoo! How was I supposed to know that real hippos don`t actually eat marbles?
If they really want to increase breast awareness, why not try a National Motorboat Day?
If one of Santa`s helpers takes a picture of himself with his smartphone, is that an "elfie"?
wassup pips! :-) no i don`t mean you guys pip, get it? piping?? haaahaaa... looks like i`m the only one laughing right? well it sounded funnier in my head (-_-)
The trick to successfully backing out of a parking space is to not care what happens to you or anyone else.
??q? uo p??oq??? ? ?nq i ??i? ?s?? ??? si si??
Well it’s time to go from sitting on my office chair, to sitting in traffic, to sitting on my couch. I’m very skilled at sitting.
"It gotten SOOO cold in D.C., politicians have their hands in their OWN pockets!"
I`m not saying your cat doesn`t care about you, I`m saying if Lassie was a cat, Timmy would still be in that well.
My boyfriend woke up this morning with a huge smile on his face. I love sharpies
Would it be wrong to ask a one-eyed person if it really was "all fun and games" up to that point?
Whenever you`re powerless, remember: A single one of your pubic hairs can shut down a restaurant.
Sometimes, half your sh!t is worth it.
I really think my life would be a lot better if my fitness app would just lower its standards