Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
You know something bad is about to happen when someone says "Hold my beer and watch this."
5 years ago I asked the girl of my dreams out on a date, today I asked her to marry me ... She said no both times
Describe myself in three words ... 1. Lazy
When you can no long help someone, I can - said the coroner.
Marriage: When dating goes too far.
If it’s the thought that counts, then I should probably be in jail
Just got a fortune cookie with no fortune in it ... Sounds about right for this Monday
Is it just me or does the word "retweet" bring up images of Elmer Fudd commanding an army on the defensive?
The wife almost caught me browsing on Facebook, but I quickly clicked over to a porn site. That was close.
I`ve created a new gym to help with the child obesity problem. There is no building, I am just slowly driving around neighborhoods in an ice cream truck without ever stopping.
Just burned 3 calories typing this with my thumb muscles. #fitness
You can’t run from your problems forever. Eventually, you’ll have to take a car or a plane to really avoid them.
Fart when people hug you. It makes them feel strong.
I`m great at balloon animals. You should see my eel, snake, and worm.
Why do we call it the Sun instead of a space heater?