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Girls who say "alot of guys are after me" should keep in mind that cheap things always attract many customers.
Women are like bacon: They look good, They smell good, They taste good, And they will kill you slowly.
The Bible is pretty accurate...Especially when thrown at close range.
Thought for the day: Never hold your farts in. They travel up your spine, into your brain, and that is where sh!tty ideas come from!
The batteries in my electric toothbrush died before I finished. I`ve never sympathized more with women in my life.
I hate when people post lyrics from songs, but I will survive.
Paint thinner? I call bullsh!t. I been painting myself with it all week and I`m still fat.
Marriage. Because dodging your own family wasn`t enough.
If Kutcher went to Sheen and said It`s still your show, this was all a joke and yelled "You got Punked" it would be the greatest prank ever.
If it`s any consolation, your Doppelganger is probably having a really awesome day.
Driving isn’t even in the top 5 things I’m thinking about when I’m driving.
I just read an article about the dangers of drinking that scared the crap out of me. That`s it. No more reading!
You know you drank too much last night when you have to use google maps to locate yourself the next morning.
Campers: Nature`s way of feeding mosquitoes.
Idiots are fun, no wonder every village has one.