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Let`s sleep in until it`s time to go to bed again
How do I tell my boss I don`t want to do work anymore but still want money.
Modern video games are giving kids unrealistic standards of how many swords they can carry at one time.
After 20 years of marriage, my wife still makes me smile. At least for the pictures...
I need an app that shows oncoming traffic on my touchscreen while I`m driving
Judge: I`ve decided to give your ex-wife $350/month for child support. Me: That`s very generous. I`ll try and kick in a little myself.
Never realized how out of shape I was until I started sweating after using scissors for 30 seconds.
My car doesn’t have a passenger airbag but don’t worry, if we get in an accident all the McDonalds napkins in the glove box will cushion you
To-Do List: Nothing [?]
Not sure if I need sex, sleep, or to punch someone in the face.
I should come with a warning label.
If I can`t convince you, I will sure as hell confuse you.
You`ll all be sorry when I figure out how to breathe fire.
You`ve cat to be kitten me right meow.
I feel like I would enjoy getting out of bed more if I only had to do it like 3 times a week. This every day thing is overkill.