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I think it`s safe to assume that people buying stock in twitter have never actually been on twitter.
Today I found a penny. It reminded me of you. Worthless & found in everybody`s pants.
Tomorrow, I`m going to open up the time capsule I buried when I was a kid. I can`t wait to see how big my puppy got!
Nothing tests that whole "for better or worse" thing like the question "does this look infected?"
Whoever says "you need two to tango" obviously hasn`t seen me drunk.
There`s a sense of great satisfaction when I`m the tie breaker between `Funny` and `Not Funny` status updates.
Warning: I just get weirder.
The woman that just drove past me was either doing a huge yawn or her brakes have failed....
Why is the guy who serves you at the restaurant called a waiter, when it is you that is waiting?
My girlfriend told me I`m starting to annoy her because I relate everything to batman... What a joker!
Single, means never having to say you`re sorry.
if drinking destroys your memory .... what does drinking do ?
On the plus side of 2017, the use of the words `awesomesauce` and `amazeballs` were at an all time low.
Years of education, solving tough problems, handling complex issues, yet we take a while standing before glass doors thinking whether to Push or Pull.
is wondering if the hokey pokey is really what it´s all about