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Late to bed and early to rise, makes me really tired and pissed off.
Just so you know, the movie "Life of Pi" has nothing to do with dessert.
People who live in glass houses must have to clean up a lot of dead birds.
If you just show up to a delivery room in scrubs and carry a videocamera you can usually film like 3 or 4 births before they throw you out.
Watching movies alone sucks. There´s no one to ask, "What did he just say? Who is that guy?"
How many different animals did we have to jump on the backs of before we discovered horses were cool with it?
I think today I`ll stalk my stalker, just to shake things up a little.
If you`re happy and you know it, thank your ex.
Futons are the most disappointing Transformers ever.
Don’t get your panties in a bunch. The nicer ones are sold individually.
I think I need to lose some weight. I tried to sit up earlier and ended up rocking myself to sleep
People be like… I will love you unconditionally on one condition.
My doctor is concerned about my high blood pressure. I told him, next time, don`t leave me sitting in the waiting room for two hours.
Guys, freedom of speech doesn`t mean you can spell things any way you want to.
With the right music, you either forget everything or you remember everything.