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To be truthful,,, I have never unrolled a sleeping bag and been able to roll it back up any smaller than the size of a garage.
I`ve had like 10 red bulls, so of course I`m vacuuming the front yard.
Woke up screaming this morning. My apologies to everyone in the meeting...
You think you are too small to make a difference? then you have never spent a single night with a mosquito.
You might be addicted to Facebook if you read my post`s every day...
Let`s go to my place and do the things I`ll tell everyone we did anyway.
If you allow your pets to roam free in our neighborhood, I’m gonna put party hats on em. This is non-negotiable.
Of course everyone seems sexy in a nightclub. There`s liquor and you can`t hear them.
Good news I passed my drug test today. But now my drug dealer has some explaining to do.
Whoever left me in charge of all this booze is going to have a lot to answer for tomorrow.
My favorite word is `apparently`. Makes anything sound sarcastic. He`s intelligent, apparently.
I just wanted to send you a quick note letting you know that you`re in my inappropriate thoughts.
Babies are really cute until you meet one that`s not a picture.
I have a condition that renders me unable to go on a diet… I get hungry.
If my grandmother were alive today, I`m pretty sure she`d still have her blinker on.