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You know vacation should be over when all you do is sit around naked, drinking fruity malt liquor beverages
Health experts recommend a 1500 calorie diet. For those of you not good with math... that’s a 12-pack of 125 calorie beers. You`re welcome!!! ;)
The best part of time travel will be sleeping until noon and making it to work on time at 8am.
I think Facebook is the Malaysian plane of the internet. No one on here has been seen by their family in weeks.
Sorry, when I said I have the stamina of an NBA player in bed I meant I take 10 timeouts in the final 2 minutes.
If Wyle E Coyote had enough cash to buy all that ACME stuff why didn’t he just buy dinner?
Hash browns not tags.
My thoughts should be ashamed of themselves.
That one day of fame on Facebook because it`s your birthday.
Greeting all the Single People a very Happy Independence Day!!
I lifted my hands up in the air and waved them like I just didn`t care.....Ceiling fan: 6 Me: 0
If you were dating an FBI agent and you broke up, they would be your fed ex.
Don`t tell me to make myself at home if you don`t want me to drop my pants and download porn on your computer.
Days that I don’t have to care about my appearance are my favorite days.
"I’m definitely going to do that tomorrow.” — Me being delusional