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Give Me A Minute While I Pretend To Care!
Just woke up next to my bed. Not sure if I fell out or didn`t quite make it in.
Life is better when you can share it with a friend that has the same sick, twisted personality as yourself.
I don`t just sing in my shower, I perform.
When ever I have a panic attack, I put a brown paper bag over my mouth and drink all the rum inside. It seems to help.
Sure you can try and tell me what to do. Or you can keep your teeth.
Anyone else sit on the toilet and play with their phone until you realized you have been finished 10 minutes ago?
*Australian accent* Notice the wife in her natural habitat shaming the male husband species into doing what she wants!
I wonder if the two guys arguing over r2d2 and roadrunner ever get laid.
I want to follow my dream, but i dont want to look like a stalker
You know when I was younger I was under the impression that quick sand was going to be a serious issue in life...
All fortune cookies should just read, "You will have diarrhea for the next 24 hours.
Its so cold out, I actually saw a gangsta with his pants UP!
Ask not what your father can do for you, but what you can do for your father. Happy Fathers Day!
Roses are red, violets are blue. I hate you bye