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Good thing girls started uploading pictures next to a pool with the caption "Summer is finally here!" or we wouldn`t have known it`s summer.
Deja poo. The feeling that you`ve heard this sh!t before.
I think my downstairs neighbors are beginning to suspect I`m living in their attic...
I`m leaving my body to science fiction
If I could bring one dead person back to life I`d bring back Walk Disney. Just to show him the shows on Disney channel and see his reaction..
I saw a group of kids trying to put another kid into a dumpster. I had to step in, they couldn`t even lift him.
Give up, itsy-bitsy spider. It wasn`t meant to be.
Haircuts are great because I did none of the work but get all of the credit.
is it too late to wrap myself up like a baby and drop myself off on a billionaire’s doorstep
We`re like hot chocolate and marshmallows. You`re hot, and I wanna be on top of you.
The ultimate home security system is just having crappy stuff.
Do Me: a favor. - Punctuation is important.
I ate the whole box of Slim Fast bars. So excited about how skinny I`ll be when I wake up tomorrow.
Thought I saw a kangaroo today but turned out to be a greyhound having a dump !
Mom: Some scary old lady keeps FaceTiming me. Me: Mom, turn your camera around and she’ll go away.