Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I`m allergic to stupidity ... which is why I break out in to sarcasm.
Forgot to make resolutions? Just write out everything you did New Years Eve and at the beginning add the word "stop."
Dear liver…. Here is an advance sorry for tonight… sincerely Jimmy…
When you consider names for your baby, it`s important to try out the middle name in an angry voice.
A good lawyer knows the law ... A great lawyer knows the judge.
You can`t always control who walks in to your life but you can control which window to throw them out.
I overheard 2 girls say there was a creepy dude listening to their conversation.
Don`t bother trying to figure me out...not even the little voices in my head understand me...it`s pointless.
Every time I`m around my mother in law, I wonder who is running hell in her absence.
I think my other three stove burners are becoming jealous of front-right.
FYI: Every Scooby Doo episode would literally be 2 minutes long, if the gang went to the mask store 1st & asked a few questions.
Instead of spending $2,000 on a purse, some of you ladies should use the money for therapy sessions.
If you play my workday backwards, it`s actually a nice story about idiots getting less and less annoying.
Me: "Sorry I`m late. Car trouble." Him: "What kind of car trouble?" Me: "It doesn`t go 200 miles an hour to compensate for my late start."
Hysterical Shrieking should be reserved for truly serious situations such as Centipedes, Spiders, and that Creepy Uncle that likes to give everyone back rubs.....