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Making an effort in the last of 2014 to cut away distractions so I can spend more time with my iPhone.
The length of your "About me" section on Facebook is directly proportional to how annoying you are in real life.
Never say "piece of cake!" to me. Unless there is, indeed, a piece of cake involved.
Every pizza is a personal pizza, if you try hard and believe in yourself.
If anybody asks, I was on Facebook all night tonight, okay? Thanks for having my back, everyone.
You will always be my best friend ... You know too much.
If by angry birds you mean flipping off a$$holes while driving then yes I`m at the expert level of Angry Birds
I don`t always say I`m never drinking again, but when I do, I`m a f*cking liar.
A guy at work calls me "Partner" and another guy calls me "Chief". Apparently we`re playing Cowboys and Indians and I`m a double agent.
So can we just skip to summer now?
Well, I`m going to take a hot shower. Its like a regular shower, but with me in it.
Liquid sanity: I call it alcohol..!!
Thank you, true crime show, for saying that was a reenactment. I was pretty upset your camera person didn`t stop that murder.
If buying new underwear is evidence of an affair, my husband has been faithful for at least nine years.
I`m 99% sure you think I`m weird. And I`m 100% sure I don`t care.