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Making everyone happy is impossible. But pissing them off is a piece of cake. I really like cake.
Yes, bitches be trippin’ but maybe I pushed one.
thinks my life is becoming a very complicated drinking game.
Know the rules well so you can break them effectively.
Why doesn’t McDonalds have an order taking microphone on both sides of the car, yet?
Bend over and take it like a taxpayer.
Nothing in the world is more expensive than a women who’s free for the weekend
I have a friend with one eye, he`s pretty cool about it, instead of :D he sends .D
Famous words from Fergie... "Boom Boom Pow!" Happy 4th of July!!
I HATE it when I get invited to weird events on Facebook. ..For the FIFTH time, I do not want to go to your cat`s birthday party. Damn it! ..My dog is getting married
my girlfriend does that cute thing, where she doesnt exist.
If you have a parrot and you don’t teach it to say,”Help, they’ve turned me into a parrot”, you are wasting everybody’s time.
I can relate to Alice in Wonderland. She just keeps randomly eating and drinking with hope that it might magically solve her problems.
Sometimes, half your sh!t is worth it.
Dropped my son off for his first day of kindergarten today. Does anybody know what age you`re supposed to pick them up?