Daily Silly Status

I wasn`t even going for broke. But I got it!

I`m not sure where you learned to whisper but I`m guessing inside a helicopter surrounded by f*cking chainsaws.

If thought bubbles appeared above my head, I`d be screwed.

Hypothetically, when is the right time to tell your divorce attorney that you`ve never been married and you love spending time with him?

If I ran my legs as much as I did my mouth, I`d be in fantastic shape.

I couldn’t believe it yesterday, when I came home and was told by my wife that my 5-year-old son wasn’t actually mine. She says that I need to pay more attention when picking him up from school…

I don`t see the point of sex if the neighbours don`t hear it.

I’m too young to be too old for everything.

When a cop asks you, "Do you know why I pulled you over?" It is never a good idea to respond, "Because my tires look like donuts?"

If someone says "I`m a sub-par golfer" does that mean they`re good at golf, or bad?

I liked your facebook update, only so I can unlike it.

Sometimes you have to flip out and go bat sh!t crazy to make a point.

Girl: I have changed my mind. Boy: Thank God! Does the new one work?

I took a nude photo of myself ... With the light off ... You`re welcome.

My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well, I was amazed, I never knew they worked.