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My internet was down for almost 4 mins, I’m ok but the 911 operator was a total b!tch about it!
If a man speaks at sea where no women can hear, is he still wrong?
Women need a tattoo that somehow signals their menstrual cycle ... * A Cramp Stamp
I laid awake all night again worrying about why I’m always so tired.
I will never be to old to laugh when somone farts in a public bathroom peeing..
Some people should be very grateful I don`t have mob connections.
I was getting really depressed today but then I realized double cheeseburgers exist
Light travels faster than sound. That`s why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
Caterpillars have it made. They eat a lot, go to sleep, then wake up beautiful.
When someone tells you they are getting a divorce, a high five is not the right answer. Or so I`ve been told, twice now.
Having plans sounds like a good idea until you have to put on clothes and leave your house.
Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
That prince in Sleeping Beauty doesn`t get enough credit for kissing someone who hadn`t brushed her teeth in forever.
I put on real clothes today. What more do you want from me?
When your Dr. says "I`ll need to Google that"..... it`s time to change Doctors