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I`m a spontaneous procrastinator
I just poured myself some iced tea. I could have sworn I heard one of the beers in my fridge whisper "What the F*ck!?"
I saw a guy today at Starbucks. He had no smartphone, tablet or laptop. He just sat there drinking his coffee. Like a psychopath.
Legally,It´s questionable. Morally,It´s disgusting. Personally,I like it.
That`s not chapstick in my front pocket.
I love my car. Without it, I would not be where I am today.
If going to church has taught me anything, it is that Catholics hate unexpected pterodactyl impressions.
You are wasting your time reading this status.
Please God take me back to being 12 & let me start again & mess up my life in an entirely different way. I have fresh ideas.
Freak people out in public restrooms by saying “come in” when they knock on the stall door.
i wonder if fish get thirsty .
At the Touch of Love..Everyone Becomes a Poet !
But..At the Touch of Breakup Everyone Becomes a Philosopher... ^_^
I painted a banner for our annual family picnic, but my Mom thought "Celebrating 100 Years of Undiagnosed Mental Illness" was inappropriate.
Liven up any boring conversation by telling people you have a glass eye and then watch them try and figure out which one it is.
Just spent like 5 hours talking to my neighbor about his garden and long story short, turns out it was just a f*cking scarecrow.