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Roses are red, violets are blue. I lowered my standards, just for you.
I’ve had no formal martial arts training, but I know for a fact the Power Rangers are wasting too much energy on unnecessary summersaults
Teens today have it so easy. We didn`t have self-checkout lanes when we bought condoms.
As I get older my tastes are changing, for instance I used to not like brussels sprouts but now I don`t like people.
According to the U.S. Census Bureau: 190,374 people are having sex right now, 212,130 are kissing, and 1 poor person is reading this post. You hang in there!
I just gotta believe that as a species we`re capable of making an automatic hand dryer that`s quieter than an airplane.
According to my fitness app, I watched TV for 6 miles this week.
What would I give the woman who has everything? Well, my phone number for a start.
It’s getting really annoying how eating makes you gain weight..
Oh, a spider just landed on my desk... In other news,,, When startled, I can jump 5 feet in the air with just the power of my ass cheeks.
Sometimes, even I`m afraid of the things my mind comes up with.
I`m not saying my ex wasn`t pretty, but every time my wallet got stolen the thief would return her picture.
I want to sleep tighter
I`m sleeping in tell Friday so ... Happy Tuesday.
I think my iPhone is broken. I pressed the home button and I’m still at work.