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Debt doesn`t buy happiness either.
You think you are too small to make a difference? then you have never spent a single night with a mosquito.
I`m afraid to hug fat girls....what if they`re hungry?
Every novel is a mystery novel if you never finish it
Dear Mom, If all my friends jumped off a cliff, it`s because it was my idea. Sincerely, Your child is a leader, not a follower.
The problem with the world is that the intelligent people are full of doubts while the stupid ones are full of confidence.
"The Twilight Zone" makes me long for the days when you could smoke on a spaceship.
Fun thing to do: Before leaving someone`s house, ask them if you can take a roll of toilet paper "to go"
I just lost another hour trying to figure out how to reset the clock in my car.
My wife treats me like a God…She takes very little notice of my existence until she wants something.
Some days the problem is I care too much… Today was not one of those days…
If they gave out awards for laziness, I would have to send somebody to accept it for me.
Redneck`s famous last words: "Is that enough duck tape?"
Cops don’t like it when you ask them “Need some help?” especially when you’re wearing a Batman costume.
If you have time to update your status as "very busy", then you obviously exaggerated.