Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I accidentally lit the wrong end of a cigarette-that can`t be healthy!
Accidentally bought a bag of raw almonds. Turns out I don`t like almonds, I like salt.
I wish Tony the Tiger would burst into a raisin commercial and yell “They’re graaaapes!”
PLEASE - put this on your status if you know someone (or are related to someone) who has been eaten by dragons. Dragons are nearly unstoppable and, in case you didn`t know, they can also breathe fire. 93% of people won`t copy and paste this, because they have already been eaten by dragons. 6% of people are sitting in the shower armed with fire extinguishers and the remaining 1% are awesome and will re-post.
Hey, I found your nose. It was in my business.
To all my Facebook friends. Have a happy St. Patrick`s day, and all the festivities this weekend. Stay safe, enjoy life, and if you by chance happen to find a bartender who is bad at math...give me a call :)
Ahhhh, bad credit…the best identity theft protection.
Guys: Bet a female friend that she can’t touch her bellybutton with both elbows. Enjoy the view.
Dyslexics of the world.. UNTIE!
So it`s racist to call a team Redskins but it`s okay to call a restaurant Cracker Barrel ?
I`m living in a drama-free bubble today. Respect the bubble people, respect it!
Feeling so good today ... High-five the person next to you and tell them it`s from me.
I go both ways. I like hard AND soft tacos.
Pro tip: “Hold my drink” is not a proper response to “License and registration, please.” … apparently.
I ate the whole box of Slim Fast bars. So excited about how skinny I`ll be when I wake up tomorrow.