Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I wonder what “don’t touch” is in Braille....
I got kicked out of my Community Theater group when the director asked to see me limp. How was I to know he was talking about walking??
My girlfriend and I have an open relationship and will continue to do so right up until she finds out.
Some people are more confused then a chameleon in a packet of Skittles.
I need to unbutton my pants just thinking about how much I’m going to eat this week.
My 83 year old neighbor got pulled over for speeding. She told the cop she had to hurry before she forgot where she was going.
Why periods? Why can`t Mother Nature just text me and be like, "Whaddup Girl?, You ain`t pregnant. Have a great week. Talk to ya next month."
I`ve been told that I can be condescending... that means that I tend to talk down to people.
You`re single? BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.. Yea me too.
Adam Levine beating me out for sexiest man contest is complete bullsh*t.
Pumpkin for sale! [slightly used]
New marital Status update : Taken, but only for GRANTED
I’m going to rename my wifi network to “Surveillance Van #02?. That should keep the neighbors on their toes for a while.
Sometimes in life you have to give the people around you a little push ... into traffic.
Sorry I mixed 50,000 instant pudding packets into your above ground pool