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not to brag but I finished this 14 day diet in 3 hours and 38 minutes.
I miss the good old days when we blamed Marilyn Manson for all our problems.
Anyone else immediately turn down the car radio the second you think you might be lost?
Survival rule #1: You go first.
This headache feels like dumb people
The filling in this fortune cookies tastes like paper...
How did Mexico keep enough people from crossing the border to field a full soccer team?
It’s a little sad that today’s youth don’t get to experience a red rubber dodgeball to the face like we did back in the day.
Instead of the John, I call my bathroom the Jim...that way it sounds better when I say I go to the Jim every morning.
I still dunno why they say cats have 9 lives. My cat only eats & sleeps all day long. It has no life at all!
I found a dollar in my bed this morning... Following my excitement was a flash of panic as I checked all my teeth
I can`t tell if I actually have free time, or if I`m just forgetting everything...
You can get super human strength when put in life or death situations. Last night I uncorked a bottle of wine with my teeth during a tantrum...
I should probably do some housework before they try to film the next Febreeze commercial here.
be smart, pretend to be stupid!