Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Sometimes I lie awake at night and ask "Where have I gone wrong?" Then a voice says to me, "Oh dear, this is going to take more than one night."
I have a feeling my check liver light will come on this weekend
My doctor said I needed to reduce stress. Great, now I have that to worry about.
Whenever someone tells me they like country music, I just look them in the eyes and ask "which country?"
"Grow a pear." - How to insult an apple tree.
Pro tip - You can blame anything on autocorrect.
often rambles on and on about this and that seeming to be heading towards a point but really just blabbing about nothing.
If anyone is looking for an unlicensed helicopter pilot give me a call. . .
My girlfriend told me I`m starting to annoy her because I relate everything to batman... What a joker!
This guy told me that playing the voilin is the best way to calm you down. I bet he never tried smashing it over someone`s head.
There`s a bald spot in my yard so I`m gonna let the grass grow around it really long and then do a comb over.
I know that somewhere in the Universe exists my perfect soul mate, but looking for her is much more difficult than just staying at home and ordering another pizza.
I hope everyone takes my advice and never takes my advice.
What am I taking to the Family Thanksgiving feast? Tupperware.
I`m doing a charity gig tonight for people who struggle to achieve orgasm. Don`t worry if you can`t come