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Kill them with kindness ..and then fart as you walk away
A woman saying “I’m not mad at you” is like a dentist saying “You won’t feel a thing.”
Girl: I am not having having s@x with guys at the moment. Boy:I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue
Just saw a guy with a Support Dyslexia bumper sticker on the front of his car.
I like to log into facebook and leave a status just to show I`m here. Or am I?
Republicans are red, Democrats are blue. The government is shut down cause neither one gives a damn about you.
That awkward moment when you go for a run and your boobs start to bounce up and down.......and you`re a guy.
I hate when I`m wearing my apple bottoms jeans and I can`t find boots with the fur.
I finally found a machine at the gym I like: the vending machine!
A lot of attractive people are like nice cars with the check engine light on.
I`d like to thanks all the girls for wearing yoga pants. It is the only reason why we`re not complaining about how cold this winter it
My relationship is like an iPhone, I don`t have an iPhone.
Some girls post the most depressing love sh!t that even I`m starting to miss their ex!!!
I just read that ciggarettes cause rectal cancer, I should me fine, I was going to put them in my mouth anyway..
I`ve got worms !!!! ......... worms in me garden