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I have a disease called AWESOME...You don`t understand it since you don`t have it.
The easiest way to find out if a movie is on Netflix is to simply ask yourself "do I want to see it?" If you do, it`s not on Netflix.
If kidnapping is a federal offense, then why is marriage legal?
I`m gonna surprise my hand with some sex tonight!
FYI: You have to stop Facebook posting to have an alibi for ignoring texts.
A clean house is the sign of a broken computer !
I`m a multi-taking procrastinator. I can put off all kinds of things all at once.
If women ruled the world there would be no wars. Just a bunch of jealous countries not talking to each other
If anyone has any terrible ideas, I`ve historically been very open to them.
I wish that we lived in a world where a chicken could cross the road without getting its motives questioned.
I want to delete a bunch statuses, so if you guys could just message me your passwords that`d be great.
The one who laughs last is the slowest. The one who laughs first has the dirtiest mind.
I need chapstick on my lips ... anyone want to share ?
I just want to be as thin as my patience.
And remember friends, condoms aren`t always protective....my friend was wearing one and he fell down the stairs