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Math questions are so stupid! They’re like “If I have 5 bottles in one hand and 6 in the other, what do I have?” Oh I dunno, a drinking problem maybe?
I hide my vodka in orange juice
I got my stomach by doing as many crunches as I can everyday. Usually either Nestle or Captain.
Why is it that most nudists are people you don`t want to see naked?
My girlfriend JUST spent the ENTIRE day arguing that she isn`t stubborn.. :|
Sometimes I write "This is a hold up. I have a gun." in the memo of the checks I write for people and pray they cash them at the teller.
Why would you live in a place where the air hurts your face?
My goal is to move just enough each day that no one pokes me to see if I`m dead.
Oh, so you are thinking about me? I am also thinking about myself.....
am feeling lazy......... jst like the guy who desighned the Japannese flag
Every woman thinks her husband is a moron. And they’re absolutely right because smart men don’t get married.
Marriage teaches you forgiveness, compromise and tons of other things you wouldn`t need if you`d stayed single.
I`m super lazy today. Which is like normal lazy but I`m also wearing a cape.
So there`s a t.v. show called, It`s Me or the Dog?.. I was disappointed to find out its not a game show where people guess who farted
If my week was a YouTube video, Monday would be that crappy ad that it doesn`t let you skip.