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Women spend more time thinking about what men think than men actually spend thinking.
“A body at rest tends to stay at rest” should be an acceptable excuse for missing work.
I thought 70 was the new 50, but the cop still gave me a ticket.
If Coca-Cola REALLY cared about the obesity problem they`d put cocaine back in their recipe.
Don’t trust people that dislike pizza. They’re probably not human.
This morning I got in touch with my inner self. And that`s also the last time I`ll buy cheap toilet paper...
Life`s too short for Salad..............
Remember when teachers asked to lie quietly with your head on your desk? My boss has yet to be impressed with this skill.
Remember before we met? I miss those days.
Life is about perspective like the sinking of the Titanic was a miracle for the lobsters in the ships kitchen
Practising my breast stroke, so if I ever get a girlfriend I dont do it wrong...
You`re right, vodka. This is the perfect time to use a hammer.
Its so cold outside I might even post about it on Facebook
I love watching women`s beach volleyball. There have been two wrist injuries so far, but I should be ok by next week.
After socializing and being nice to people all day it`s nice to sit down, drink by myself, and be an a$$hole on the Internet.