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I make one mistake and my pharmacist now adds "by mouth" on the prescription label.
My wife just said we should have another baby. I hope she didn`t mean together.
If we can have HD video from Mars,,, then I should have 4 bars on my phone everywhere I go.
Couples have an amount they can spend up to without discussing with each other. Mine is around $50. My wife`s is around $643.27. Apparently
If people don`t occasionally walk away from you shaking their heads, you`re doing something wrong.
Shopping for bridesmaid dresses with 5 other women, today. If you never hear from me again, I committed suicide by nail file.
I got the girl to hysterically laugh today just by asking her out for a date.
The pharmacist asked me my birthday again today. Pretty sure she’s going to get me something.
I couldn`t be on a reality show because I wouldn`t want my mom to see how many times I make the jerk-off motion when we talk on the phone
We all have that one friend that needs to learn how to whisper.
I asked him about his weekend, but apparently what happens in vagueness, stays in vagueness.
UFC is 10% fighting, and 90% advertising the next fight
If anyone lost a roll of hundred dollar bills,with a rubber band around it...I found the rubber band....
Research shows that 100% of the time when someone says “oh no she didn’t!” she most definitely did.
I say No to drugs but they... won`t listen.