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They’re called scents, not flavors, I should not able to taste your perfume or cologne.
Why do medications always have side effects like `anal leakage` & `suicidal thoughts`? Why not `invisibility` or `spontaneous orgasms`?
"If you can`t handle me at my worst, then you don`t deserve me at my best" literally translates to "I`m a loud, sloppy drunk."
On the subject of sex, my parents told me `the man goes on top, and the woman underneath.` No wonder I got divorced. For 3 years my ex-wife and I slept in bunk beds.
I may not be the richest guy...or the smartest guy...or the funniest guy...or the best-looking guy...or the .....:( Forget it, now I`m depressed.
The irony of all this is, the internet was created to save us time…
You are the reason why I bite the heads off teddy grams.
Don`t feel bad, alot of people don`t have talent either
If spiders ever come to the realization that people are terrified of them, we`re f*cked.
You’ve never truly lived until someone has posted a sign because of something you’ve done.
Sometimes you have to photoshop your life. Touch up edges, adjust the tones, blur the background, focus on yourself & crop some people out.
Isn`t it weird when a cop drives by you feel paranoid instead of protected.
Hitting the lotto is a sure way to stop hating on Mondays...
If you wake up with a chick and you dont know her name, take her to starbucks, they`ll write it on the cup.
A lot of woman turn into good drivers. So if you`re a good driver, beware of women drivers when their making a turn.