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A good lawyer knows the law. An excellent one knows the judge.
Surfing is a good choice for people who like skateboarding but wish it had more sharks.
From what I can gather, men hit their sexual peak around age 18. And women hit theirs as soon as the divorce is final.
I`m pretty sure country music singers are all just the same guy wearing different hats.
If at first you don`t succeed, you should have done it my way in the first place.
Before you marry a person you should first make them use a computer with slow internet to see who they really are.
If you didn`t want to be hit with a shovel then you never should have started telling me about your problems.
I think, therefore i`m single.
Whatever doesn’t kill me makes me all like, “Whoa! That was close!”
Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
A bird in the hand is the best way to eat chicken.
A police officer came up to me yesterday and asked , "Where were you between four and six?" I said, "kindergarten".
are you free tomorrow ?! no I am f**king expensive !!
I’ve thought about running away as an adult way more than I did as a child.
if drinking destroys your memory .... what does drinking do ?