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I`m about as lost as lesbian on ChristianMingle.com
Parents: Where are you going at this time of the night all dressed up like a slut? Daughter: To the bathroom, I need a new Facebook picture.
A good example of mixed emotions would be finding a hundred dollar bill nailed to your tire.
To all the lovely ladies here I`m not wearing green....to all the guys here, I know Ju-Jitsu. Just saying
Sorry I can`t go out tonight, I can`t find anyone to cover my Facebook shift.
No one can be exactly like me. Even I have trouble doing it ;)
When the machines rise up against the humans, just pray to your God that you`re nowhere near a dildo factory.
I bet cats are mad they can’t sit on televisions anymore.
The naked truth, is always better than someone’s best dressed lie.
I started drinking a little early. Yesterday, to be more precise.
Im having a problem in Call Of Duty, I go to the menu and... alright by now the girls have stopped reading this, anyone know any good porn sites?
I`m not giving the kids a time out. I`m giving myself one. The thought of sitting in a corner & being ignored sounds just heavenly.
Most people who think I`m a nice person have no idea that I`d trade any one of my kids for a deep dish pizza.
I`m not real excited that the wrapping on my toilet paper said `100% Recycled`.
You get wasted, swear to much, and your morals are questionable. You`re everything I`m looking for in a friend.