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When they say: "Wow, you`re really photogenic." What they mean: "Wow, this looks nothing like how ugly you actually are."
Lady: what Colour are my eyes? Man: 34D
If your man is reluctant to talk about his feelings, it’s probably because you haven’t told him what they are yet.
If airports are so safe, why are the buildings called Terminal
Do women know that it`s perfectly legal to apply makeup at home before they get in their car?
"This is the ride that killed Jimmy." - me in a long line, loudly, at amusement parks
If revenge is a dish best served cold AND revenge is sweet then revenge is basically ice cream. Bring it.
Just in case you are wondering ... I did not go to Jared.
It should cost $10 to leave someone a voicemail.
You have got to have worse hand-eye coordination than a lama on crack
I have a friend with one eye, he`s pretty cool about it, instead of :D he sends .D
It scares me when the lights go out and it`s complete darkness. The first thing I think is ... OMG I just went blind!
Facebook, the lost and found for people. . .
If you aren`t sure if you like someone, here`s a test: imagine they`re dead. Now, was it an accident or did you murder them?
I got Mood Poisoning. Must have been something I hate.