Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If it’s called tourist season, why can’t you shoot at them?
Dear therapist, I might actually come see you if your job title didn`t spell out “the rapist” Sincerely, not lying down.
Job interview: Please tell us why you’d love to work for us? ME: I need money :)
All I`m saying is why blame it on being lazy when you can blame it on being old?
Pizza gal reads my order back to me and says,"You have one large thick sausage, anything else?" With a smirk I reply,"Yes, I`d also like to order a pizza."
Tip of the day: When the cop asks you if you had anything to drink in the last 24 hours, do NOT ask them for the time... trust me
It must be really hard to judge wet t-shirt contests. I saw one recently, and all the t-shirts looked equally wet.
When in doubt, procrastinate.
"Lets hang out sometime" -liars.
Sometimes you`ve got to ask yourself: "Why am I talking to myself?"
Mornings are the best when they start in the afternoon.
Frozen water balloon fights... not a good idea.
Rabbits jump & they live for 8 yrs. Dogs run & they live for 15 yrs. Turtles don’t do anything & they live for 150 years. LESSON LEARNED!
I was really pissed at my girlfriend for not calling me all day. Then I remembered she`s imaginary. So I`m good.
The voices in my head are not real, but they have good ideas.