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I suspect the ancient Greeks would be horrified that we refer to `laying on a couch all weekend watching a TV series` as a "marathon"
Teamwork is just another way of saying we will soon be sharing in the blame equally.
Ha! Who`s laughing now, f*ckers that took your Christmas lights down last year!
I know it`s rude to ask someone about their pregnancy if you`re unsure, but my hubby looks about 4 months along & the suspense is killing me
Pretend it`s a beer... Pretend it`s a beer... Pretend it`s a beer... - Me trying not to drop a baby.
Whoever said the camera adds 10 pounds should stop eating cameras.
WikiHow suggested 9 Ways to Celebrate Earth Day.... I did all by ?#? SLEEPING?the whole day! How???? I smoked less, used water/power less etc. Wikiwikiwiki!!!!!
I`m always amazed that when tragedy strikes how quickly people on Facebook become experts on the subject no matter what it is.
awkward moment when the dentist is talking to you with his hands on your mouth
What flickering lights mean: 1% electrical problem 99% demons.
A homeless guy asked me for money today and I thought, sure, he’s probably just gonna spend it on booze and cigarettes. Then I remembered, that’s what I was gonna do, so we walked to the store together.
What’s the difference between partly cloudy and partly sunny?
I wish all videos of people twerking ended with them catching on fire.
"Be strong" I whisper to my coffee.
Money isn`t the key to happiness ... Wait a minute, I`ll just pay to have a key made.