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If my smartphone was so smart, then why it can`t do my math homework
Online dating is like shopping for a car online... show me the carfax!! I wanna see the history!
The olympics is the only time when you hear "Great execution by North Korea" and it seems okay.
Hi I’m a spider & I can make your girlfriend scream louder than you can.
The hardest part of being a gentleman is going to all of these gentlemen’s clubs.
My phone battery lasts longer than relationships these days
If you go shopping at Walmart and no one stares at you as you walk by, you`re one of them.
I spent 2 hours cleaning this kitchen. Mess it up and I will cut you! ... Love MOM
Engineers: "okay, so we agree the space between the seat and the console will allow people to see what they dropped but never retrieve it"
When wearing a logo or clever t-shirt, make sure your rack looks good. No one likes reading stuff on a lumpy, wavy surface. You too, ladies.
I was called sexist today. So..i said i think ur mistaken...its pronounced sexy! LOL
When the only light in your world is suddenly gone …it’s time to recharge your phone.
Awkward moment when you just wanted a sugar daddy but becomes the First Lady of America!
Thought I was having deja-vu. But it turns out, I do the exact same things every day.
Do you really have to breath that much?