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I spend most of my money on beer and cigarettes.. The rest I just waste.
They say a woman’s work is never done. Maybe that’s why they get paid less.
I drink my coffee out of a clear mug so people so where my tolerance level is at.
If you`re a vegan an atheist and a liberal, how do you choose which way to annoy people at Thanksgiving first?
All this time I thought PTA stood for Parents to Avoid
Just rescued a Coca Cola that was trapped in the fridge!
Forget resolutions, Imma just say from now on... TGIS "Thank God I Survived" ! :)
It`s been scientifically proven that originally there were only five fruit cakes ever made!
The only difference between doggy style and reverse cowgirl is who wants to watch the TV more.
It’s amazing how long you can hold your farts at the beginning of a relationship.
I may be wrong, but I doubt it.
Sorry I mispronounced your baby`s name you made up.
Most of life is waiting for whatever you`re at to be over.
So I wanted to publicly apologize for not doing the ice bucket challenge for everyone that nominated me. I don`t give money to charity, unless she is on stage B at 11:30.
I just slid off the couch and lay on the floor for a while and eventually sat up without using my hands, is that a yoga class?