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Found out today that you`re supposed to urinate on a jellyfish sting, NOT a jelly stain. Sorry, strange lady at the Waffle House. Just trying to help...
I`m about as lost as lesbian on ChristianMingle.com
The gym is like church to some people. No matter what they do all week, they think they can erase it with one visit.
Hmmmm, thats odd. . . .According to this height / weight chart. . . . I`m too short.
Whenever I`m out somewhere there is a 99% chance I am thinking about going home and sleeping.
Why are we still testing on animals when there are pedophiles in prison.
Mo’ money, mo’ problems. This explains why I don’t have problems.
What do you get when you cross a pitbull with a computer? I don`t really know but when it megabytes, it megahertz
My life is much more fun and interesting when I`m single... Problem is I can`t remember any of it.
One day I`ll look up from my phone and realize my kids put me in a nursing home.
Next time some one does something REALLY stupid, just smack them and say, "Man, did you see the size of that bug?"
I`ve never watched a clown apply makeup but I imagine the process is similar to that of a Kardashian.
If women would start naming their periods like hurricanes it would be alot easier for us men to remember which argument you are referring to.
Dishes are like boyfriends. My roommate should really stop doing mine
Sorry if my phone keeps calling you, it`s voice activated. I`m at the mall and everytime santa says Ho, Ho, Ho, it dials your number