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Lazy is a very strong word, I like to call it “selective participation.”
I just want to find someone who will love me for exactly who I am pretending to be.
Just gonna wait to see how long it takes this police sketch artist to realize I`m describing him.
I`d love to have a sex change. Preferably from `none` to `absolutely sh!tloads`.
What if the weather talks about us?
Things people say after watching a movie: 5% - I can’t wait for the sequel. 5% - That was a great movie. 5% - That was a complete waste of money. 85% - I gotta pee!!
Shout out to old people for graduating high school without Google.
I love my six pack so much, I protect it with a layer of fat.
If I get an e-mail from you that says "Sent from my Blackberry" at the bottom, please understand that I`m not going to respond. I can only assume that you sent it in 2006.
When do you take 5 hr energy? Right when I get off work ..12am!..beer here I come!
If you had to choose between your significant other and a million dollars, what`s the first thing you`d buy?
Surprise your wife today. Sell all her shoes and buy something nice for yourself.
when i die i want to be thrown out of an airplane with a superman costume
Next time you`re down in the dumps...pick me up a spare tire!
If you have time to update your status as "very busy", then you obviously exaggerated.