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I went for a run today. What the hell is wrong with you people why would you do this to yourself you need help.
OMG ... I hate waiting in lines ... I wish this woman would hurry up and pick a suspect.
"My name is Robert and I support apples." -- Bob for apples
I am not looking for a one night stand, 2 hours will be plenty enough.
When you drink Vodka over ice, it can give you kidney failure, When you drink Rum over ice, it can give you liver failure, When you drink Whiskey over ice, it can give you heart problems, When you drink Gin over ice, it can give you brain problems. Apparently, ice is really bad for you.
The other day my son asked me who picks up the seeing eye dog`s poop.
I really need to clean the house, but I`m thinking it`d be a lot faster to burn it down and start from scratch...
Artificial intelligence is a wonderful thing. I told my computer that today is my birthday, and it said that I needed an upgrade.
At what age is it appropriate to tell my friends that they`re imaginary?
I`ve reached the age where happy hour is a nap.
Being fat = Lowers your chance of getting kidnapped.
Dance like no one´s going to put it on YouTube.
The toughest decision I will make today is bottle or draft.
As you get closer and closer to the end of this status, I think it`s important that you lower your expectations.
If whores, witches, ghosts and hobo`s show up on my doorstep, I can only assume it`s Halloween because our family reunion was in July....