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(For women only) Wants to go on the Maury Povich show and hear, "You are NOT the mother!"
There`s no law against twerking...but apparently it`s still frowned upon during jury duty.
The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.
So when is this `old enough to know better` suppose to kick in ?
When people tell me "you`re going to regret that in the morning" I sleep in until noon because I`m a problem solver.
You move into my house, delete all my porn, decorate every wall with rooster pictures, talk incessantly, leave hair everywhere and are too tired for sex?? Sounds great, let`s do it!!
I work so hard for my gta V character to have a better life
There is 2 address we will always know by heart, 1: Our Own, and 2: P. Sherman 42 wallyby way Sydney!
The problem in general terms is that people suck.
When everything is coming your way, you`re probable in the wrong lane.
You know it’s a really good bar when there’s a couple outside breaking up.
Back in my day it was called daydreaming…not ADHD.
I wish my bank account refilled as fast as my laundry basket.
I got kicked out of a fancy dress party on the weekend, because I was wearing nothing but a red shirt. Not my fault nobody has heard of Winnie the Pooh!!
Never compliment a lady on her mustache no matter how magnificent it is