Daily Silly Status

I sometimes goto Starbucks for coffee and tell them my name is Bueller ... Then leave before my coffe is ready

Nothing says “I hate you” like giving someone’s child a drum set.

The more neighbors I spy on through my binoculars, the creepier I think all my neighbors are!

My wife just opened a jar of pickles by herself and I can`t help but think that my days around here are numbered...

So I was looking at my boyfriends facebook page and saw a ton of girls saying they love him. He`s obviously cheating on me. We are so over Zac Efron.

Remember this when you are drunk: You can`t fall off the floor.

Always bring a stopwatch to church, guys. You want the girl that spends the longest amount of time in confession.

Government shutdown day 8: Electricity still works. Water is still running. No cool gangs to join yet. Worst apocalypse ever.

I must have a great butt because every time I finish talking with someone and start to walk away, I hear them whisper "What an a$$."

Me blacking out when I`m drunk is God`s way of telling me that what I do when I drink is none of my business.

I will give you unconditional love as soon as you meet my list of demands.

My bank statement is just a visual record of bad decisions.

I tried counting sheep to get to sleep, but one was missing and now I’m gonna be up all night worrying.

Rest area restrooms are weird. The guy in stall next to me has four feet.

Seriousley.. The cuntestents in the 2013 speling beee contast hafe too now no the meening of the werd thay hafe been axed too spell. I coud rock that contast so eesy :))))) eg. The meening of "Easy". Anser: a kids oven