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Swag is for boys. Class is for men.
You’re not in a serious relationship until he leaves you in a room alone with his phone.
Now that "twerk" has been added to the dictionary, I can`t wait for a Spelling Bee judge to be asked to use it in a sentence.
Ohh sh!t, my b!tch button is stuck.
I was watching craps at the casino all night until security finally dragged me out of the bathroom.
Hey chicks that only post inspirational shit: we know you`re nuts.
We played a lot of "Keep The Balloon In The Air" as kids, a game known to most other people as being poor.
I always clench up before I drive into a tunnel because I`m afraid Wile E. Coyote might have just drawn it on there.
Decided to get in touch with my feminine side today... I made myself a sandwich!
When women say “It’s not what’s on the outside, it’s what’s on the inside that counts”, we all know they are talking about a Man’s wallets.
As I got older my six-pack turn into a keg.
I’ve finally decided to do something about my weight ... Lie.
"Don`t cry because its over, smile because his new girlfriend looks like a horse."
Thank God I finally found love! Its on Page 126 in the dictionary.
I just lost my mood ring, I don`t know how I feel about that.