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My dog acts like his entire family was murdered by a vacuum cleaner.
Do you know what would really be fun? ... No really.. If you know, tell me.. I`m bored to death.
my wish for tonight is for the person reading this status to have a Good Night!
I`ve fallen down the stairs before. I don`t see what joy the Slinky gets out of it. That sh!t hurts.
Bought some cheese at one of those fancy cheese shops today. It was legend dairy...
How many divorced guys does it take to change a lightbulb?...........Who cares, they NEVER get the house anyways.
I bet spongebob will get his license before Taylor Swift finds love.
Next time a skinny bitch calls herself fat… I’m gonna agree with her.
I got this weird condition where I drink a case of beer and fall down.
I have a moderate amount of skills in life, but one of those things does NOT include the ability to stop eating.
Don’t be upset that you’re single; be happy that someone isn’t ruining your life.
Facebook becomes 100 times more entertaining when you have work to do.
How come we can put a man on the moon but we can`t made a smoke alarm that can differentiate between a house fire and cooking sausages?
Good neighbors do not put password on their wi-fi.
You had me at Rice Krispies Treats