Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
The human body is roughly 60% water. I`m not fat, I`m flooded.
My New Year’s resolution is to climb Mount Everest, learn 7 new languages, and stop lying.
I believe pizza delivery cars should be allowed to use sirens
I am actually impressed by what Lance Armstrong has done. When I was on drugs, I couldn`t even find my bike!
If you ever feel unattractive, just remember that you look like your ancestors and all of them got laid.
Why insult someone when you can say something nice in a very sarcastic tone.
20 years from now, some adults are going to say they grew up on the “bad part of town,” meaning there was no 4G in that area.
I like to pee on car windows in subzero weather, happy scraping
Don`t worry about the grass on the other side. It`s not your grass.
You know you`re getting old when cops make you feel safe instead of nervous.
Wife fell asleep on the couch so I drew a spider on her glasses with dry erase marker. And now we wait...
Energy conservation activists would get more attention if they called themselves power rangers.
Does running out of money count as exercise?
“I’m sorry” and “my bad” mean the same thing… Unless you’re at a funeral.
Just backed into a Jaguar but I left him a note on my bank statement so he knows not to bother calling