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The downside to posting jokes all the time is that if I posted "Help, I am in an Iranian prison" everyone would be like "haha good one"
"No I don’t need any help. I know more about booze than you do" - Me to the liquor store clerk
Why am I single? Answer me. . . ANSWER ME YOU STUPID CATS!!!
I have an irrational fear of speedbumps… but, I’m slowly getting over it.
Don`t ever, ever EVER!!! Touch a crazy man`s food!!! I will STAB YOU WITH A SPOON!
Whoever said, "All men are created equal", has obviously never been to a nude beach
Why can’t I lose weight easily I mean I lose everything else without a problem.
All you single ladies, please stop saying you should just give up and get a cat. If no man wants you, don`t subject an innocent cat to a life with you.
Creating a password in this day and age After the 9th try OKNowI`mReallyMad50BoiledCabbagesUpYourArseIfYouDon`tGiveMeAccessImmediately! `Sorry, that password is already in use`
I really just need a vodka cranberry and a slap on the a$$. Hold the cranberry.
Like if you remember the correlation between a pencil and a cassette tape ...
when god was giving out brains....you must have miss heard for trains..and missed your bugger
Really disappointed to find out after laser eye surgery I am unable to burn down buildings
What`s the difference between a Garbanzo Bean and a Chickpea? I never had a Garbanzo Bean on my face.
Marriage teaches you forgiveness, compromise and tons of other things you wouldn`t need if you`d stayed single.