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Married sext: I’m not wearing any underwear, because you never put the f*cking laundry in the dryer like I asked you to 100 times.
At first, I had my doubts about using autocorrect. But my new phone probed me wrong. PROVED DAMNIT! PROVED!
Apparently when you donate blood, it has to be "YOUR" blood.
MAN LAW 101: No man should ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man.
Sorry I can’t make it to your party tonight. I have to get up really early tomorrow afternoon.
Just...sitting...thinking...planning my next move to get that new roll of toilet paper about 5 feet away from me.
Lol at birds that walk places.
Not sure what to do with all the daylight we are saving.
If your wife asks you if you know where the broom is, it`s not a good idea to ask her if she is going somewhere.
I am convinced that Kellogg`s works for our Government and all that Snap, Crackle, Pop is CODE.......
There`s been a whole lot of office Romance since I became self employed...
You`re one of a kind! Thank goodness...
If you walk a mile in my shoes the least you can do is leave a pair of yours to wear.
They should make a "How It`s Made" episode on how "How It`s Made" is made.
The other night, I posted on Facebook I was going to sleep shirtless. The next day I logged on and saw 7 mosquitoes "like" this.