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Shout out to all the kids who could never find their name on souvenir keychains and license plates. That sh!t hurt.
Behind every successful student, there is a deactivated Facebook account.
I think that there are two things that we can all agree on: Boobs.
If I could just make one thing very clear at this point ... I would.
I love buying a $1 burger and getting $2 worth of mayo...
If you respond to coworkers asking how your weekend was with turkey noises, they leave you alone.
I wonder what its like to fart in zero gravity. Does it like...propel you forward? These are things people need to know NASA
I tried to open a can of WhoopAss,, but it popped like a can of biscuits and scared me.
According to serving sizes tonight, I`m a family of 4.
First Ebola case in USA , and the Walking Dead starts next week... brb gonna go buy a crossbow.
Soon ovens will come with webcams and wireless connections so that posting photos of your dinner will be even easier.
It´s never to late to be happy
Life should be more like Hockey. If somebody pisses you off, you beat the sh!t out of them, then sit in a penalty box for 5 minutes
I`d explain it to you again but I`m fresh out of crayons and puppets
Does the employee manual say I CAN`T set up my camping tent inside my cubicle? No? Then please step outside & zip the door up behind you.