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Alcohol won’t solve your problems, but neither does milk or orange juice.
Sure, Men love funny women. As long as they are pretty...and skinny...and they have a great pair of knockers!!
My advice for pretty much anything that`s broken is "did you try and jiggle it?".
Happy third birthday to the tartar sauce in my fridge.
I hate to choose sides, but if forced, I`ll aggressively side with the person paying my bar tab.
Do the spectators at golf tournaments know they don`t have to be there
7,000 people were treated in emergency rooms for injuries sustained from fireworks. Don’t be a statistic, let your friend light the fuse
Hey ladies, you know that feeling you get when you roll over & realize you made a horrible mistake? I could give that to you every day.
If video games have taught me anything, it’s that if you encounter enemies then you’re going the right way.
It was so cold that when we milk the cows we got ice cream.
Remember when people had diaries & got mad when someone read them? Now they put everything online and get mad when people don`t.
since when was it cool to have an iPhone at the age of 10.. i sincerely hope those parents know what they`ve done.
My phone just filmed a 6 hour documentary about life inside my pocket
Browsing the internet when bored is like the virtual version of checking the refrigerator...
You know it`s cold outside... when you step on dog poop and roll your ankle