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You gotta hand it to blind prostitutes.
FACT: Candy corn is made out of melted down traffic cones.
My life is just one long improvisation.
To stupidity ... And beyond!!
This company doesn`t know how much of an asset I am.. Or an ass-sit. They really should pay more attention.
I’m no Dr. Phil, but I bet if you tell at least 5 people to f*ck off today, you’ll feel better.
Sometimes people come into your life and they need to stop doing that
The best way to change a woman`s mind is to agree with her.
Instead of sending people to jail, we should just make them eat the stringy things off bananas..
I did a push-up today. Well, actually I fell down, but had to use my arms to get back up, so close enough. Now I need a beer.
What an intoxicated Schwarzenegger might say to a police officer: "I`m an IDIOT you COP!"
I bet if we all threw our problems into a big pile, we’d see everyone else’s and scramble to get ours back.
Vodka isn`t the answer... but it makes you forget the question :P
A Shout Out to all the beautiful women who don`t need to dress half naked to get a man`s attention. Stay classy! The rest of you, come with me.
just realised MR OWL ATE MY METAL WORM is exactly the same backwards