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When exactly are they going to make Xanax fit my Pez Dispenser?
Admit it...Life yould be boring without me.
No Girlfriend November was a success, now for Don`t Date December, Just Me January, Forever Alone February, No Match March..... I got this.
Arguing politics is like trying to convince someone that their baby isn`t cute.
What’s a drunken pirates worst nightmare? A sunken booty with no chest.
Lets not kid ourselves, if the zombie apocalypse broke out, there are a couple people we would swear were zombies so we could shoot them
I didn`t have access to Facebook for the past few hours. Finally graduated, got married, lost some weight, read 17 books and showered.
Had a bad mixup at the store today. Cashier said strip down facing me. Apparently she meant my credit card.
My package finally came today. this is awesome....it means I have bubble wrap to play with
Alcohol is not the answer, it just makes you forget the question.
Whenever I see a celebrity photobomb, I`m like, that`s so relatable. I too constantly ruin moments and think I`m more fun than I actually am
For many people, "live and learn" is one task too many.
When the zombie apocalypse happens, I’m going to blast Michael Jackson’s “Thriller”, while the zombies chase us, just to lighten the mood.
I don`t care if you wear footie pj`s or sleep with a Snuggie. If you swish Listerine in your mouth for the full 30 seconds, you are BADA$$.
I just wanna find a girl who loves me for my money. That way I wouldn`t feel bad for loving her for her body.