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Girls think that having their period is the most inconvenient thing they can experience. They`ve obviously never dated a girl who was on her period.
It’s not the destination, it’s the journey. Except when you’re heading to the bathroom with explosive diarrhea.
It`s never too late to follow your dreams. Unless your dream is to be a child actor, in which case yes, it`s too late.
I pretend I don`t care but deep down I really still don`t care.
It may look like I`m doing nothing, but I`m actively waiting for my problems to go away.
The Easter Bunny doesn`t always drink, but when he does I bet it`s hopscotch.
There’s always that one person that catches you doing something weird.
I wish I could have the Price Is Right audience around whenever I`m making important life decisions.
Lol at birds that walk places.
Thank you Pringles for being the only chip company that doesn`t sell air.
My relationship is like an iPhone, I don`t have an iPhone.
Irony. The opposite of wrinkly.
Ladies, don`t date him just because his dad has a yacht. Date the dad.
I got carded at the liquor store. While getting my ID out my Blockbuster card fell out. He laughed and said "Never mind."
Benefits of hooking up with me: You will be hooking up with me. I could go on but I think I made my point.