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You never realize how boring your life is until someone asks what you like to do for fun.
Partying on my level requires years of training.
"Why haven`t you been answering my pigeons?" -- Girlfriends in the 17th century probably
I love long legs.... Long sexy legs.....But not on a Spider, I hate long sexy legs on a Spider.
My hand is stuck in a Pringles can. I`ll just leave it there. I`m not hiding who I am anymore.
Ever wonder if the McDonalds logo is the letter "m" or just an image of your butt cheeks it will cause?
At this point in my life the only reason I want to be rich is to hire somebody to clean my house.
Don`t hate every single one of your friends yet? Get Facebook.
The grass is always greener over the septic tank
One way to know if someone is lying to you is if their facial mole is in a different place every time you see them
Sometimes I think I`m pretty cool but then I remember plants can eat sun and poop out air.
I`ve had enough of my neighbours blasting their music from their backyard. I`m not annoyed cause it`s so loud, i`m annoyed cause they`re Korean & they`ve still yet to play Gangnam Style!
The best two kinds of beer in this world are....Cold & Free..
My Retirement Plan hinges on having at least one successful kid.
Weekends r like d salary.. It takes a lot to get thr, & whn it finally does, it`s over in no time ;) - aa