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Facebook: Proving that just because you have an opinion doesn`t mean you should share it.
2 can keep a secret if one of them is dead...
I’ve been saving up my tickets for 27 years sir, and I would like to purchase this very chuck e cheese.
Just got a new phone. Pretty pissed all my contacts were not lost.
At work hitting the escape key...... Nothing is happening, im still here.
Flies are everywhere, unfortunately the second I grab the fly swatter, they turn into ninjas.
There is no greater stress than the stress of a guy who forgot his phone & left it at home with his wife.
Be the best you can be, while being the worst that you`re able to get away with.
Dear penis, thanks for not bleeding once a month. Sincerely, every man ever.
HR and I apparently disagree on what "debriefed" means.
Easy come, easy go describes my last 12 cases of beer and 17 relationships.
You`d think by episode 133 the Scooby Doo gang would know it`s a guy in a costume every time.
I did a push-up today. Well, actually I fell down, but had to use my arms to get back up, so close enough. Now I need a beer.
Why would a married man buy a hearing aid?
I could eat a bowl of alphabet soup and crap a better status than yours!