Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I still miss my ex. But my aim is gettin` better.
Easy way to kill me: Dangle a spider from my rearview mirror while I`m driving.
Every time I see a safety warning on a product I can`t help think to myself how natural selection has failed us once again...
Gimmie a P. Gimmie an R. Gimmie an O. Gimmie a C. Gimmie an R. Gimmie an A. Gimmie an S. Gimmie a....oh, nevermind. I`ll finish this later.
It`s 2014, people. Isn`t it about time we put an end to all this `wake up in the morning and go to work` nonsense?
Okay, I can`t take it anymore. What in the hell holds the blocks up in Mario Brothers?
is in his own little world but it´s okay they know me here.
Wife fell asleep on the couch so I drew a spider on her glasses with dry erase marker. And now we wait...
My kids are always accusing me of having a favorite child which is ridiculous because I don`t really like any of them.
Ever look in a mirror wondering about the stranger staring back & then realize it`s your neighbor`s window and they`re calling the cops?
Here`s an idea...Duck Dynasty Chia Pets
Nobody really dates anymore. You just make eye contact, text, hang out, and next thing you know all her clothes are in your closet....
If there`s a bar where everybody knows your name, you`re probably an alcoholic.
Still have my French Maid costume in case any of you have a dirty house. I`ll be happy to sit there and look sexy while your wife cleans....
Do Hostess employees have Snowball fights?