Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Happiness is using an ATM and finding a receipt left behind by someone with an account balance lower than yours.
Sometimes I wrestle with my inner demons. Other times, we just hug.
Such a relief when things I`ve been meaning to do become things I meant to do but now it`s too late.
Apparently, when asked by a Traffic Cop "Where you going in such a hurry?", "To your sister`s house!" is not considered respectful to a law enforcement official......
Scientists discover that caterpillars can whistle. Am I the only one wondering if they`re concentrating their efforts on the wrong things?
When my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him? I told him everyone knows he doesn`t hire stupid people.
The worst time to need sneeze is when you’re driving. The worst time to need to pee is when you’re driving and need to sneeze.
I`m just chilling tonight with my new plane ... Oops, I`ve said too much.
It`s so cold, I just got a $5 foot long from subway, but by the time I got back to my car it was only 6 inches.
I hate it when people pour my cereal. They don`t know how much I want. They don`t know my life. They don`t know what I`ve been through.
I started studying Tai Chi, so I wouldn`t recommend getting in a slow-motion fight with me...
For lent I`m giving up sex, wait I`m not Catholic. Whoa, that was close
My head has that drunk on cheap alcohol feel without me getting to actually drink the alcohol :(
Breasts are like model trains. They were originally meant for children but grown men always want to play with them.
It’s not weird to talk to yourself, it’s just weird when someone else hears you talking to yourself.