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I didn`t get your text (phrase) - I got your text, I was just too lazy to respond.
I will not be impressed with technology until I can download food from the internet.
Unwritten Rule of the Day: Don´t make eye contact while eating a banana.
So this guy with a premature ejaculation problem comes out of nowhere.
One time at the beach this guy was swimming in the ocean yelling, "help! shark! help! " I just laughed, I knew that shark was not going to help him.
I`d bite my nails less if there wasn`t always chocolate frosting under them.
Hey guys,,, Which sounds better: No longer rabid?, Or rabies free since 2003?........ I`m trying to update my e-harmony profile
You make me wanna be a better stalker. No, seriously. Slow the f*ck down.
Happy St. Patrick`s Day! I was going to drink anyway!
Meanwhile one million men got to enjoy a quiet afternoon at home without anyone nagging them.
Whew, good thing there`s a facebook petition for ending the shutdown, or else we`d be in real trouble.
Buy all your socks in one color - problem of the missing sock solved!
Let’s have a moment of silence for all these guys that tried to walk across power lines but fell because someone tied their shoes together.
Don`t let anyone call you an "underachiever". If they knew you, they`d know how amazing it is that you`ve managed to accomplish anything.
I have to exercise early in the morning before my brain figures out what I’m doing.