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If every U.S. sports team converted to metric, Americans would understand the metric system by the next game.
Some girls are so desperate. Who calls 3 times, leaves a voicemail, and sends a text?? Take a hint, mom.
In the United States a man gets kicked in the groin every 6.2 seconds. I would hate to be that man.
New documentary movie about white trash ... I only saw the trailer...
One of the major benefits of using a combined 2 in 1 shampoo/conditioner is having enough room leftover on the shower caddy for the beer.
Just did a weeks worth of cardio after walking into a spider`s web.
Made some terrible life choices the last few years. Just kidding. I`m married and not allowed to make decisions.
I never run with scissors. (those last two words were unnecessary.)
I like going into McDonald`s and ordering an Egg McMuffin and a McChicken, just to see which one comes first.
I trust Snapple facts more than CNN and Fox News.
If you ring my door bell you better be the pizza guy or a sexy naked lady ... with a pizza.
NyQuil is great. I love the way it comes with it´s own shot glass
Whenever I receive a text saying bahaha, I like to believe you are a sheep on drugs.
Two things everybody wants: 1) Lose weight. 2) Eat.
"kill it before it lays eggs" - is my standard suggestion to any problem