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Financial status: I hope United Airlines drags me off my flight
I have this condition that prevents me from going on a diet. I get hungry.
Invite me to your wedding . Invite me to go have fun , but please stop inviting me to your farm .
Saw a midget go into a store while wearing a KKK outfit and thought... That`s a little racist.
When my boss is in town, I set out pictures of kids on my desk. They aren`t my kids but he`d never fire a Mom of seven, right?
Today I seek some truth and fulfilment but I’ll settle for some bacon.
Thanks to the popularity of gifs, we are living in the golden age of silent films.
I don`t take steroids because I never want to look like I`m capable of helping my friends move.
Good rule of thumb: if you see an adult riding a children’s bicycle, you’re probably in a bad neighborhood.
Can I buy you a drink or do you just want the money?
Apparently I misunderstood it when I was told to "expose yourself to other cultures."
We live in a time where "He is hot" is more important than "He is a nice guy."
I`m the type of person that will burst out laughing in dead silence over something that happened days ago.
Rapunzel is my favorite fairy tale about a woman who finds happiness when a man pulls her hair.
I bet Eve bit that apple because she knew she was going to get a bunch of clothes out of it.