Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My girlfriend is half my size but takes up three quarters of the bed. If my math is correct, she’s a b!tch
If you are used to seeing a fat, naked guy walk around his house, then you are probably my neighbor.
Sneaking alcohol into work is pretty easy if you put it in your stomach first.
I knew the Psychic was no good the moment she accepted my check
Waking up is the second hardest thing in the morning.
Whenever I read: "Do not exceed recommended dose" I always think, "Challenge accepted!"
Teens are always full of energy until someone says the words "clean up".
I´m a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I am perfect!
Alcohol goes in ... Happiness comes out.
I wish I drove a Volkswagen bug. It would be cool to know that every time I drove by a school bus, some kid was getting punched.
Why are there never any good side effects. Just once, I’d like to read a medication bottle that says “May Cause Multiple Orgasms”
What supermarket did the pilgrims visit to purchase their canned gelatin cranberry sauce? I want my Thanksgiving to be authentic.
New marital Status update : Taken, but only for GRANTED
i didn`t know i had a facebook account until now
Well, well, well. Guess who the grocery store asked to come back soon.