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Your kid is running around the store screaming at the top of his lungs annoying everyone and I`m the a$$hole for tripping him?
Don`t rush me. I`m waiting for the last minute.
Boss: Why aren`t you working? Me: I didn`t see you coming!
Crowded elevators smell different to midgets.
The condoms need to be located in the baby aisle, next to the 30 dollar diapers and 20 dollar formula cans
Its around this time each year that i just enjoy going outside and seeing my christmas lights already set up from the year before.
I hate how my friends are always trying to convince me to do extreme activities. Like bungee jumping, skydiving or leaving the house.
I hate it when I think I`m buying ORGANIC vegetables but when I get home I discover they`re just REGULAR donuts...
My therapist says I`m paranoid, which is exactly what you might expect from a shapeshifting lizard hired by the CIA to track my whereabouts.
Can you find the the mistake? 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10. Click Funny if you did..
Let`s be honest. If God wanted us to be vegetarians, he would have made cows faster.
Have you ever wondered about the look on someone`s face if you hide under their bed and grab their foot in the middle of the night? Just something to think about.....goodnight!
Sometimes entire relationships can only be described as “that weird thing I did for a while.”
The saying, "Say no to drugs" has always made me laugh. If you`re talking to drugs, it`s probably too late to say no to them.
If I was just learning English and you told me a sport called BOXING takes place in a SQUARE area called a RING, I`d probably give up.