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People say circumcision dosen`t hurt. I was circumcised when I was born and I couldn`t walk for nearly a year.
There should be a day in between Saturday and Sunday.
If I truly posted what was on my mind ... I´d most likely be in a psychiatric hospital right now.
Last year in college football Alabama beat Arkansas, Tennessee, and Auburn. Those teams coaches all resigned. Any chance of Alabama playing agsinst the White House this year?
Boy if these walls could talk I`d be like "HOLY SH!T TALKING WALLS"
if money grew of trees, girls would be dating monkeys
I inject vodka right into the orange. Screwdriver-to-go
When Life Gives You Lemons Don`t make lemonade. Make life take the lemons back! Get mad! I don`t want your damn lemons! What am I supposed to do with these?! Demand to see life`s manager! Make life rue the day it thought it could give Cave Johnson lemons! Do you know who I am? I`m the man who`s gonna burn your house down! With the lemons! I`m gonna get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that burns your house down!
I found out that middle age is were you finally get your head together and then your body starts falling apart
Sleep is my drug, the bed my dealer, the alarm clock the police.
If your phone gets wet, try putting it in a bag of dry rice. At night the rice will attract Asians who will fix your phone for you.
First comes love, then comes marriage. Then comes not making any decisions and feeling guilty about asking for blowjobs.
They say a dog can retrieve a tennis ball from over a mile away. Seems a bit far fetched to me.
I really don`t get Astrology but I just hope my daughter stays a Virgo until she`s at least 18.
If your conspiracy theory doesn`t involve cats and dogs, don`t bother me.