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If you think my post are bad, you should see my choice in men.
The bat signal seems pretty useless if they need Batman during the day.
If at first you don`t succeed then you`re a loser...
If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.
Roses are red. Violets are blue. Faces like yours belong in the zoo. Don’t be mad, I’ll be there too. Not in the cage but laughing at you.
You can always tell a lot from that first kiss, especially when they say things like "please stop" and "who are you?"
Stole a cart from this woman at Walmart today. I like to think of it as playing grand theft auto suburbs edition.
Settle down homemade play dough parents.
If you`re having second thoughts, you`re 2 ahead of most people.
12 year olds having sex ? Im sorry when i was 12 i was to afraid to pull my foreskin back incase my d*ck fell out.
What did the crop say to the farmer? Stop picking on me
No matter what I get, it’s impossible not to sound like a douche when saying my order at Starbucks.
"My place is a mess" - Every girl, ever.... "Well in that case, I`m not coming in" - No guy, ever.
I don`t understand interventions. What`s the point of being told I drink too much by a room full of the reasons I drink in the first place?
You`re the reason why I wake up every morning... Just kidding, I have to go to work.