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Giving my wife a bikini wax for the first time. Should I wake her up or just let it be a surprise?
Woke up screaming this morning. My apologies to everyone in the meeting...
Today I discovered that two wrongs definitely don`t make a right. Tomorrow I`m going to try three.
Today is International Women’s Day. It was actually supposed to be held 2 days ago but they took too long to get ready.
"Hey, man, just called to see when you`re going to commercial. Now? Ok, us too." -Radio Stations
A poem about me: I hate mornings. I wish I was drunk. The End.
Only awesome people are allowed to ‘LIKE’ this status!
Don’t judge me for things I did a few seconds ago, I’ve changed since then.
Setting the alarm clock proves I`m capable of making the same mistake every day.
Some days are better than others. And those days always involve alcohol.
What sucks about those little hotel shampoo bottles is there`s no room for the directions so you kind of have to wing it.
What`s this g-mail? I just got used to e-mail. And why did they skip f-mail?
If anyone knows Phillip tell him I have a bunch of his screwdrivers.
I`m old enough to remember when having a long cord on the home phone was privacy.
I love strapping my kids into their car seats. It’s the closest I can legally come to putting them in straitjackets.