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My train of thought likes to circle around the station a few times, take some wrong turns, and end up totally lost.
Mosquito (noun) - Mother Nature`s way of getting you to slap yourself.
I drink to make other people interesting.
One should love animals.. They are so tasty.
The package says "Do not eat raw cookie dough" but all I really see is "Pillsbury hates you and doesn`t want you to be happy."
Those who stir the sh!t pot should have to lick the spoon.
If a man doesn`t drink when he`s living, how in the hell can he drink when he`s dead?
“Single and ready to mingle” is the fancy way of saying “Alone and desperate”
I`m not sayin you are stupid, I just said that you have bad luck when you`re thinking.
Get off your high horse. Seriously, it’s not safe to ride any animal that’s stoned.
Flight 370, proven harder to find then the G spot :-/
I`ve come to the sad realization nobody will ever triumphantly pour Gatorade on me for any reason
There is no logical reason why short pants should cost the same as long pants.
I love Ebay. Sold my homing pigeon 8 times last month.
I`m feeling 22.. Pounds overweight.