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The more you know. Daylight Savings started back in 1964 when Jerry Daylight Savings was an hour late for work & convinced his boss all the clocks were wrong.
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Roses are red, violets are blue. If I had a brick, I`d throw it at you.
What flickering lights mean: 1% electrical problems. 99% demons.
A new study says eating sugar will kill you and was conducted by the No Sh!t Sherlock Research Institute.
I`ve just invented an invisibility cloak; anything under it is rendered completely invisible. I`m still working out the kinks; you can still see the cloak itself
Sociologists say that social media is creating the laziest generation ever. I expressed my opinion in great detail by hitting the “Like” button.
I hate it when I think I`m buying ORGANIC vegetables but when I get home I discover they`re just REGULAR donuts...
Smoke a joint before hitting a buffet to really get your money`s worth...Just saying.
Considering that dogs pee to mark territory, they probably think humans are constantly battling over who gets to claim the toilet.
I wish I could pick which brain cells the alcohol kills....There`s ALOT of crap I wish I could forget about.....
Unless you are selling Thin Mints, don’t ever knock on my door.
You`re beautiful until your Photoshop 30 day trial has gone.
Opposites attract, that`s the trouble with being awesome
6 FUNNIEST CONTRADICTING WORDS 1.Clearly misunderstood 2.Exact estimate 3.Small crowd 4.Found missing 5.Fully empty 6.Happily married