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People who don`t know what they want should not use the drive thru!
Just seen the new Batman shampoo in Costco. I can`t believe they haven`t paired it up with a conditioner Gordon.
I went to McDonald`s to grab my boys a couple of Happy meals. The guy serving me says "Would you like a Boy Toy"? I was like, "listen hear you little sh!t, you couldn`t handle me if you tried"!! What is this world coming too... :))
People need to stop putting flyers on my car. I don`t want to see a band called "Parking Violation" at the "Courthouse."
I can`t believe I was late for work tomorrow..
Does anyone else make transformer noises when changing sex positions? Asking for a friend.
The person before me got $0.57 worth of gas. My day doesn’t seem so bad now.
The true definition of safe sex is having a padded headboard.
Always end a conversation with "gotta run" so people think you`re into fitness
Half the time spent on Facebook is likely spent by creeping people and /or staring at the screen waiting for something interesting to happen.
I stopped paying my car payments to concentrate on my dream of appearing on a Repo show.
That mind-blowing moment when you realize chores were really the crap your parents didn’t want to do.
The Internet: where no one is afraid to say the first thing that pops into their head.
You want to see Americans become activists? Cancel a TV show they like.
Relationship has 12 letters, but then again so does alcohollllll