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The final stage of adulthood is when you start saying, "Oooh, that breeze feels nice."
If listening to stupid people burned calories, I`d be a supermodel.
If you’re happy and you know it, you’re probably exhausting to be around.
Ha, SUCKA`S! I just smuggled a bag of popcorn into the movie theater. Now I just need to borrow their microwave.
Can anyone recommend a few thousand books on hoarding?
Girls with tattoos on your tits, Why? We`re already looking at them.
My friends made fun of me for buying this flamethrower, but at least I don`t have to shovel snow this weekend.
This ramen noodle and vienna sausage dinner taste exactly like I made the wrong career choice :(
If a cannibal ate a comedian, that would lead to some funny sh!t.
They don`t say "Get down Mr. President" anymore. Now they just shout, "Donald Duck!"
Do me a favor if someone tells you they don`t like me , tell them I don`t like them either.
There are 2 kinds of people I can’t stand: Nosy people, and people who won’t tell me what in the hell is going on.
Lazy Rule#15325434090371466: you`re so lazy you didn`t even finish reading the number.
Nothing good ever came from drinking things that are on fire.
I do what I want, when I want, where I want.. if my mom says its ok. :)