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Does the Food Network deliver?
Try sliding down a water slide without running water to realize how important foreplay is
I purposely bought the same grill my neighbor has, so every time it needs to be cleaned, I just switch them at night.
I have been tagged and poked so many times today, I may not be able to walk tomorrow.
I`m a bad multitasker and even a questionable monotasker
Whenever I read: "Do not exceed recommended dose" I always think, "Challenge accepted!"
If a camera adds 10 pounds then maybe stop eating them
Don´t wait for the perfect moment. Take the moment and make it perfect.
I`m growing a mullet to test our friendship.
Cop: Been drinking tonight, ma`am? Me: No, I`m just dizzy b/c I`m having a heavy flow day. It`s really clotty and... Cop: You`re free to go.
I named my dog "5 Miles" so I can tell people, "I walk 5 Miles every day"
Uhm, excuse me waiter... I`d like to return my food. It only received 5 likes on Instagram.
If she burns the bacon, she`s no good bro
I eat boiled eggs, cabbage, and baked beans before the in-laws visit. They never stay long.
Life should be more like Hockey. If somebody pisses you off, you beat the sh!t out of them, then sit in a penalty box for 5 minutes