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Out of all the lies I`ve ever told, "Just kidding" is my favorite.
Behind every successful student, there is a deactivated Facebook account.
With sufficient thrust, pigs fly just fine.
It makes me sad that so many women feel like they have to wear makeup and clothes.
If I had to choose between Star Wars and Star Trek, I`d probably choose vodka.
Fire at will! Oh, it`s you, Bob! Fire at Bob!"
May your Labor Day contain no Labor!
I bet when Cheetahs race and one of them cheats, the other one goes, “Man, you’re such a Cheetah!” and they laugh & eat a zebra or whatever.
Falling in love when lonely is a lot like shopping when hungry, you end up with a bunch of sh!t you don`t need.
Does "who cares" count as advice?
Do the other settings on the washer actually do anything?
I don’t appreciate the 5 minute radio ads about how commercial-free the station is.
People are like dogs: There`s always someone who loves you for you and there`s someone who just peed in an inappropriate place.
I started drinking a little early. Yesterday, to be more precise.
People like you are the reason people like me take pills.