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At first, I had my doubts about using autocorrect. But my new phone probed me wrong. PROVED DAMNIT! PROVED!
How to make a Vodka Christmas cake. . (Made mine this morning!!!!) 1 cup sugar, 1 tsp. baking powder, 1 cup water, 1 tsp. salt , 1 cup brown sugar, Lemon juice, 4 large eggs, Nuts, 1......bottle Vodka, 2 cups dried fruit. Sample a cup of Vodka to check quality. Take a large bowl, check the Vodka again to be... sure it is of the highest quality then Repeat. Turn on the electric mixer. Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add 1 teaspoon of sugar. Beat again. At this point, it is best to
Is "blowjob" one word or two words? God I hate writing thank you cards. -Bfanch
Got kicked out of Ziggy`s. " supposably" your not allowed to stand on their scales. Says I broke them. On the brighter side I weigh 135900 grams
I`ll do whatever it takes to be the mistake you can`t live without
Don’t piss off old people. The older they get, the less ‘life in prison’ is a deterrent.
Cats constantly look at you like you just asked them for a ride to the airport.
FACT: How kids feel about snow days is the exact opposite of how parents feel about snow days.
A massage is just professional petting for humans.
Don`t let this historic Cubs World Series win distract you from the fact that Donkey never made Shrek those waffles he promised to make.
To the guy who invented Zero: Thanks for nothing!
Half of my life has been spent hoping people don’t see me.
With my luck, I’ll die and get reincarnated as myself.
My 5 year old set up the lemonade stand all by himself and, while I`m proud of him, I doubt he`ll make a lot of sales in the backyard.
The term "chubby chasers" is so inaccurate and misleading. Cause we don`t run.