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There`s a time and place for wine, In my hand and now.
Sadly, the opposite sex is ignoring me like a check engine light.
Got my friend a Starbucks gift card. 2 weeks later I get a call. They said hey Dean, u put any money on this Starbucks gift card. I said no it´s a gift card. That´s the beauty of it u can put as much money on it as u want.
Don`t hate me because I think I`m beautiful.
dear journal..im now the coolest kid in school....mom:SWEETIE THE CHESSCLUB IS HERE 4 U!!!
Every time I walk into a singles bar, I can hear Mom`s wise words: "Don`t pick that up!! You don`t know where it`s been!!"
"What doesn`t kill you makes you smaller." -Super Mario
I don’t know what my neighbor’s name is and we’ve been neighbors too long for me to ask.
You can call someone who makes prosthetics a professional body builder
If a clown farts, does it smell funny?
I feel like doing something productive today. If I sit here long enough, maybe it will go away.
Immature is just a word boring people use to describe fun people.
The girl at the Taco Bell drive thru gave me this “I know your high” look. I snatched my 37 crunchy tacos and got out of there.
Revenge is best served to someone`s toothbrush.
I’m totally fine with favoritism as long as I’m the favorite.