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I`ve decided to go my own way and think "inside the box" to be different ... Wow its dark in here!
Boss: Are you on drugs? Me: You and I both know I don`t make enough money to have a drug problem
It`s so cold outside I had to put Jack in my Coke to keep it from freezing.
I hate the snow so much, I want to build a snowman just so I can punch it in its face.
Why does this membership application to the YMCA not have "The Village People" as an option for "How did you hear about us?"
If life Sucks, what makes you think death doesn`t Blow??
One day you will die, but every other day you won’t. So that’s pretty great, right? ... Inspirational posts are hard.
When I`m really bored at work I like to write "I`m watching you" on the toilet paper a few squares in just to mess with people.
When I`m bored I like to call in sick to places I don`t work for. I`m getting written up at Kohls.
Felt like being Bad today, like an Outlaw Bad, felt like doing something illegal, so I ran through the house ripping off all the Mattress Tags..... Come and get me Coppers, but you won`t take me alive.......................
I hate it when I think I`m buying organic vegetables and I get home to discover they`re just regular doughnuts.
I`m off to get my beauty sleep. Yeah, I know...I`m already so beautiful you can`t stand it! I promise...a little more isn`t lethal...yet! ;) Goodnight!
I have no idea how I use to get around in the dark before I had a cell phone.
I broke a mirror now I`m looking at 7 years bad luck... but my lawyer thinks he can get me off with 3
I love watching The Simpsons. They never get old.