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On a scale from 0 to insane, I`m Batman!
They say love is more important than money. I`d like to see them go and try to pay their bills with a hug.
Couples have an amount they can spend up to without discussing with each other. Mine is around $50. My wife`s is around $643.27. Apparently
Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! -Librarians arguing
"This is the ride that killed Jimmy." - me in line, loudly, at amusement parks
My idiot future husband is out there somewhere pushing a pull door. I just know it.
Pick a woman with wits. Wits will never sag.
I like to walk around the house naked. Until the cops chase me back inside.
I used to be a terrible flirt ... I am much better at it now.
Dont judge a person by the color of their skin or by the content of their character but by the shape of their eyebrows
I remember when going viral meant having to tell several people they better get tested.
If it wasn’t for profanity, I wouldn’t be a pro at anything.
Yesterday I accidentally swallowed a bottle of food coloring. The doctor says I`m OK, but I feel like I`ve dyed a little inside.
Don`t text me while I`m texting you. Now I have to go back and change my text.
People who sit and talk while their pizza is gets cold gives me anxiety.