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I think the guy who invented the word kumquats should have gotten to name more stuff!
I don`t care how much you like the soap. Never leave a public restroom smelling your fingers.
My earthquake kit is just a tuxedo, because in case of a disaster, I want to look like the most important person to save.
If Tetris has taught me anything it`s that errors pile up and accomplishments disappear.
what is the difference between a Fly and a mosquito? ``A fly can fly, But a Mosquito can`t mosquito``
You say Iām not cool. But cool is another word for cold. If Iām not cold, Iām hot. I know Iām hot. Thanks for embracing it.
I wish I could commute by roller coaster.
If you get a new job before you quit your old one, it`s considered responsible. But if you do that with your gf, it`s called "cheating."
A cross-eyed teacher has no control over her pupils
I used to like my neighbors until they changed the password to their wi-fi :)
I`d love to drown my problems... I just can`t get my spouse to go swimming!
SEX! Now that I got your attention. I just wanted to say, "Have a great weekend!"
When I am working, I get paid to be nice. I don`t understand why my friends and family expect me to do it for free during my time off.
I think that some of the people I see in Wal Mart shouldn`t be allowed to leave Wal Mart.
You had me at Rice Krispies Treats