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I judge how safe an area is by the number of lit letters on the Waffle House sign.
My bed has no frame and sits directly on the floor because under-bed monsters are just one less thing I have to worry about now.
Funny how things change with time, I used to hate spankings.. ;)
My wife is going to the hair salon today so for the next few hours I will be practising my reaction.
"It`s cold!", "Happy birthday!", "I`m so blessed", "Political rant!"... There, now you don`t have to go to Facebook today. You`re welcome.
I wish I could literally LMAO..That sounds like a lot more fun than 90 minutes at the gym.
Do you ever watch a movie and realize you have to watch it again because you were on your phone the whole time?
Childhood is like being drunk: Everyone remembers what you did except you.
I`m obviously smarter than you`re
Time to be an adult and give up my bath time rubber ducky. I´m upgrading to the tugboat!
I hate when its dark and your brain is all "you know what we haven`t thought about in a while ... demons."
I don`t know what I would do without Facebook, but I`m sure it would be something more productive
Secret Web Cam Test: Please nod your head yes if you can read this.
Pizza is like sex, when it is good it`s very good, When it`s bad...it`s still pretty good.
When I go into a bar I shout out "YOU CHEATING WHORE!" Whoever turns around is who I`m buying drinks for.