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Relationships are mostly you apologizing for saying something hilarious!
If Apple made a car, would it have windows?
My neighbours diary say`s I have boundary issues.
I walked into SeaWorld with a fishing pole once. I gotta tell ya, those security guards can really run.
My lack of dusting will finally pay off on Halloween.
I enjoy going to costume parties that have a theme. ..."Nude Beach" is my personal favorite.
The only thing I hate worse than holding a girl`s purse is when it doesn`t match what I`m wearing.
How do some people manage to sit on it and talk out of it at the same time?
Libraries were a good start, but we really need to keep working on the number of places where people shouldn`t be allowed to talk
If you get angry, just relax, take a deep breath and count to ten, unless you`re angry about oxygen and numbers.
I would be a great procrastinator ... if I could ever get around to it.
Just found out my birthday is the same day I was born... Life is crazy...
What idiot decided it should be my foot`s asleep instead of coma toes?
Quick question, ladies: If you shave your eyebrows off and then draw them back on, what the hell are you doing?
Weekends will from now on begin on Wednesday because that is when it should truly begin!