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Farts are just the ghosts of the things we eat.
Superman and Batman probably had a lot of "capes in the toilet water" accidents when they went to take a dump.
Lady: what Colour are my eyes? Man: 34D
How long do I have to sleep before I`m legally a bear?
For every minute you are angry you lose sixty seconds of happiness.
You can tell a lot from a woman by her hands. For instance, if they`re placed around your throat she`s probably slightly upset.
I like to say, "Well, enough with the small talk" before anyone has a chance to speak.
All you single ladies, please stop saying you should just give up and get a cat. If no man wants you, don`t subject an innocent cat to a life with you.
I know I`m an adult now, but I still hold out hope that money will fall out of every card I get.
I don`t know about you....but I have thought about running away from home way more as an adult than I ever did as a kid.
Facebook posts with 12 hashtags, who the f*ck are you trying to reach?
I believe in living every day like it`s my last day, and on my last day, I plan to take it easy.
Apple is looking to expand its market share among Latinos. No word yet on the release date of their newest device, the iCaramba.
Benefits of hooking up with me: You will be hooking up with me. I could go on but I think I made my point.
I went around the block with my bike for the first time in years and now I understand why Lance Armstrong took performance enhancing drugs.