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I hate when I wake up in the middle of the night to get a quick drink of water and then accidentally eat a whole pizza and a cheesecake.
Sticks and stones may break your bones. Also good: lead pipes.
Thinking of getting another kitchen table just for all my mail
Business plan : 1. hold sign that says "free hugs" 2. Whisper during the hug, "it`s $50 to let go"
In my porno they`d deliver the pizza after they had sex because otherwise it`d just get cold.
Still no news on the royal baby. One will assume its being delivered by Royal Mail
What if I am sexy and I don`t know it?
My level of sarcasm is to a point where I don’t even know if I’m kidding or not.
Not sure if I need sex, sleep, or to punch someone in the face.
Just got back from a job fair. Very disappointed. They didn`t have one damn ride.
Your pants say yoga but your a$$ says McDonalds!!
Men wear the pants in the relationship but women control the zipper.
Due to no supervision and sheer lack of self control; I sincerely with GREAT guilt! Here now inform you. I ate your banana split
I can`t seem to convince these dogs & cats that I don`t need their assistance in the bathroom.
Did you know that if we laid all the facebook account owners end to end around the world. Three quarters of them would Drown? Hmm ....