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I helped my girlfriend with the dinner last night. I took the batteries out of the smoke alarm.
Couples have an amount they can spend up to without discussing with each other. Mine is around $50. My wife`s is around $643.27. Apparently
How long does it usually take for a Happy Meal to start working?.... It`s been an hour.
I wonder if the Happy Birthday wishes I send out to my Facebook friends would mean the same to them if they knew that I was sitting on the toilet.... LOL
Dating someone solely on their looks is shallow. Consider other things such as how much money they have.
Commence six months of the clock in my car being wrong.
When I become famous I`m not going to tell anyone.
Do feminists look under their beds for the boogie woman?
Do you have to water a Pointsettia or do they die on their own?
My neighbors listen to AC/DC at 6:00 every morning. Whether they like it or not...
tell your boobs to stop staring at my eyes
I`ll bet whoever said "keep your friends close and your enemies closer" had just farted
Did you guys know that turning up the radio fixes almost all your car problems?! Crazy.
Self checkout must have been invented by a guy who had to buy tampons.
Relationships would be easier if people came with a "Clear History" button.