Daily Silly Status

I judge how safe an area is by the number of lit letters on the Waffle House sign.

Never buy the first round cause that`s when people care what they`re drinking!

My family is missing that gene that tells you when trash cans are full.

If you say "I slept like a baby" in front of me, I`ll ALWAYS assume you woke up every 2 hours, pissed yourself and cried for your mommy.

It`s so cold outside I had to put Jack in my Coke to keep it from freezing.

I get so confused when I`m about to watch a TV show or movie and "For Mature Audiences Only" appears on the screen. Can I watch or not?

If you listen real closely to my kids arguing tonight, you`ll hear the sound of me pouring a glass of wine.

Video games don`t encourage violence nearly as much as piñatas do.

I don´t like people who can´t make fun of themselves. It just makes more work for me.

Don`t talk to me until I`ve had my coffee, my breakfast, lunch, juice, dinner, and at least two glasses of wine.

I`d be super embarrassed if people saw my google history but only because its all words I should really know how to spell by now

I hung a horseshoe above the door for goodluck ... My wife still came home ... Superstitions are stupid.

Where do all the ice cream men go in winter?

I thinking about how im disgusted by holding a gas pump but yet, I have no problem drinking my beer from a cup that ten other people drank out of, and a backwash covered ping pong ball was just thrown into it after hitting a dirty a$$ garage floor??

What`s the difference between ignorance and apathy? I don`t know and I don`t care.