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Whoever has my voodoo doll, please scratch between my butt cheeks..I`m in public.
Sorry but if these walls could talk I`m pretty sure they`d talk about wall things and not whatever scandal you`re blowing out of proportion.
The only thing worse than "the one that got away" is the one that won`t go away.
“Taking candy from a baby” would actually be a responsible thing to do.
Who invented the brush they put next to the toilet? That thing hurts!
Guys if you ever want to imagine what a woman’s mind feels like imagine a browser with 2,859 tabs open. All. The. F*cking. Time.
There are other things in life besides sex and alcohol. Those other things all suck, but they do exist, I assume.
Don`t worry if you had a bad day, remember there are people who have their ex`s name tattooed.
Roses are red, violets are blue, sandwiches are tasty, rhyming is hard
Why,does facebook want to make the likes one gets on their status like a story,like:peter and 500 others like this,click and see james and 499 others like this............
Cleavage is like the sun. You can look, but don’t stare.. Unless you’re wearing sunglasses.
Relationship status: sleeping in my bed diagonally.
The only sit up I do is the one I use to get out of bed.
Day Light savings this weekend is pissing me off, we will lose a hour we will never get back...........wait...thinkin`.....I guess we do....carry on...
I went for a run tonight. Sure, it was a beer run but, I was still sweating by the end.