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Anyone else see the irony in Disney World?.. You know, the fact that it`s a giant human trap, ...set by a mouse.
Step 1 - Change your Wi-Fi password to "blowmefirst." Step 2 - Wait for someone to ask you for it.
Having a favorite homeless person is weird, right?
Let`s be honest, we all have someone on Facebook we wanna bang...with a pan.
I hate when I`m wearing my apple bottoms jeans and I can`t find boots with the fur.
Light travels faster than sound. That`s why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
that annoying manager who thinks they are god ... you are not ... you are a douche box
I’ve got bad news: Today is not Friday, Tomorrow is not Friday, Even the day after tomorrow is not Friday.
My favorite word is `apparently`. Makes anything sound sarcastic. He`s intelligent, apparently.
"You clean up nicely", is just a polite way of saying, "You usually look like sh!t."
They`re teaching kids that abstinence is 100% more effective in preventing pregnancy than birth control, try telling that one to Jesus`s mother!
A murderer was about to be put to death in the electric chair. "Do you have any last requests?" asked the chaplain. "One," he replied. "Will you hold my hand?"
Ask.com is useless............they have no idea where I put my car keys either
Tonight I’m trying to get to that happy place right between don’t know my own name and head in the toilet.
Dear whoever ate my fries while i was in the ball pit at McDonald`s... grow up!!