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It must be really hard to judge a wet t-shirt contest because I saw one recently and all the t-shirts looked equally wet.
Does this green St Patrick`s Day beer count as a vegetable.
If it doesn`t include antidepressants, they shouldn`t call it a Happy Meal.
You know you`ve picked the right friends if no one has nominated you for the ice bucket challenge
Is running in front of cars some sort of gang initiation for squirrels?
I never said "you were stupid" I said "you are stupid", there`s nothing past tense about it!
Not everything on CNN is fake news. Some of it is commercials.
Some mornings it`s best to just fill the sink with coffee, dunk your head in it, and suck.
My grandfather once waited in line for 36 hours to get a loaf of bread and I can`t wait two seconds for a Youtube video to load.
When someone calls you a bitch just say a bitch is a dog, a dog barks, bark is on trees, trees are nature and nature is beautiful. thanks for the compliment ;)
I`m really sick of responsibility ... and underwear
Doctors are saying that each piece of bacon you eat takes off 9 minutes of your life.. According to my calculations i should have died in 1732.
Have you noticed that the "lol" symbol looks like a drowning guy? i bet hes not laughing out loud
This healthy diet thing is dangerous. I just cut myself peeling an apple. This would have never happened to me with a twinkie.
My ex was an absolute treasure and by treasure I mean you`ll need a shovel and map to find him.