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First the Jerk cut me off in traffic, then stole my parking space, then his stupid car got paint all over my key!
Hi can you fill this prescription please? Sir this is just a post-it note with `give me the good stuff` written on it.
I have a fold up treadmill under my fold up bed, so by the time I get the treadmill set up, I`m like "That`s enough exercise for today"
Alcohol free beer is like ... orgasm free sex
What about a To-Don`t List?
Some psychologists say that sleeping naked can help boost a person`s confidence, but nobody in this park seems to appreciate it.
I get my cardio from caffeine...
Haters gunna hate,potatoes gunna patate!!
You make me feel "I`m-typing-this-with-my-middle-finger" angry.
I swear July only lasted like 3 minutes
Volleyball = A more intense version of don`t let the balloon hit the floor.
I wonder if New York people find it weird to watch their own city being destroyed in Hollywood movies so many times..!!
all joking aside, think how many babies might be created tonight on valentines day
I`m terribly conflicted when people I hate from work, bring cupcakes.
If you come up to my bedroom door and find a sock on the knob it means I`m having sex ... Probably with the other sock.