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I see the Seven Deadly Sins as more of a To-Do list.
Women are so jealous. I bet Eve counted Adam`s ribs everyday to see if another woman had been created.
I`m really good at using the turkey baster as a sword and getting drunk and not being invited to Thanksgiving anymore.
just taught my kids about taxes by eating 38% of their ice cream
Twerking is just shaking your a$$? Why did we need a new word? A$$-shaking has served us well for centuries.
It`s all fun and games until the cops show up.
Get at least eight hours of beauty sleep, 9 if you`re ugly.
Dodgeball, but with random people who don`t know that they are playing..............
Shout-out to nature for not giving wings to snakes
I`m alone in my car ... Counting it as a vacation.
Have you ever wondered about the look on someone`s face if you hide under their bed and grab their foot in the middle of the night? Just something to think about.....goodnight!
It’s been “one of those days” for like 3 years now.
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me 300,000 times, well then you`re probably a weatherman.
If you like to spoon, you`ll love to spatula. That`s where I flip you over to make certain you`re done properly on both sides.
It`s acceptable for someone to eat cereal for breakfast, lunch, and dinner as long as they still go to the gym, right? I`m asking for a friend...