Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I love running my fingers through my girlfriend`s hair. It`s also a great way to let her know we`re out of napkins.
To error is human, to forgive is divine, to keep your damn mouth shut is much appreciated.
At my age I can no longer function without my glasses. Especially when they`re empty.
I stick pins and needles in the people I don`t like because can`t afford voodoo dolls.
Note to self: Next time, don`t use "continue" as the Safe Word.
No matter how little I do in a day. I always feel like I could have done less.
I used to date this girl that worked at Hasbro, but I finally got sick of all her games.
Life in the fast lane ? Heck, I live in oncoming traffic.
I`m just looking for a reason not to drink
I just keep telling myself you guys don`t have sex either.
I have problems cleaning my house because I get distracted by all the fun things I find.
My exercise routine needs to include a little more than opening difficult pistachios.
I used to be so broke when homeless people saw me coming by they would hide their change cups.
1) Second. 2) Minute. 3) Hour. 4) Day. 5) Week. 6) Month. 7) Year. 8) Decade. 9) Century. 10) Millennium. 11) Women buying clothes.
I try and inspire at least one person everyday to leave me the f*ck alone.