Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I suspect the ancient Greeks would be horrified that we refer to `laying on a couch all weekend watching a TV series` as a "marathon"
Last night I dreamed I was eating a giant marshmallow. When I woke up in the morning, my pillow was gone...
If I won the award for laziness, I would send somebody to pick it up for me.
Keep the dream alive......... Hit the snooze button.
Getting back with your ex is like taking a shower and putting back on your dirty underwear.
Dyslexics of the world.. UNTIE!
Bring a CD into my car that I "have to hear" and I`ll figure out a way to deploy the passenger side airbags
I`d rather have my arms fall off than make two trips carrying in groceries.
Warning: I just get weirder.
My kids are the reason I wake up every morning. Really freaking early. Every...Single...Morning...
I need professional help. A chef and a butler should do it.
Have you ever wondered if God looks down at you in a humorous moment, chuckles to himself, and says "yeah I made that!"
I’m posing nude for an art class this evening. Nobody asked me to. I think they’re making ceramic bowls.
The corner of my bathtub is also referred to as "The Shampoo Bottle Graveyard"
"I need to talk to you” is the one sentence that has the power to make you remember every bad thing you’ve ever done in your life.