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Don`t date guys from the internet. The last guy said he lived in a gated community. Prison, he meant prison.
If you`re bored, wear a cape. Then you can be Super Bored
Sorry I pissed you off, but I find you much more entertaining this way.
I don`t know what`s scarier. Houses with Halloween decorations or houses that still have up Christmas decorations from last year.
Sh!t`s spiraling out of control and I`m all like "wheeeee."
The object of golf.... is to play the least amount of golf.
Trust me when I say anyone can dance! - Jack Daniels
If you`re stuck in a group text, one easy way to get out is to throw your phone in the ocean and start a new life.
Working from home and HR already cited me for sexual misconduct.
Too bad the little guy "Tattoo" from Fantasy Island isn`t around anymore. They could ask HIM where the plane is!
I won $20 by not playing the lottery last night!
a walk in the woods helps me to relax and release tension the fact that I`m dragging a body behind me should be irrelevant.
Figuring out that you`ll probably never figure it out is the first step of really figuring things out.
Conserve energy: How would you feel if someone turned you on and then left?
I`ve finally stopped drinking for good ... And I`ve started drinking for evil.