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People who can finish a shampoo bottle at the same time as their conditioner are truly ninja`s.
Forget the hero part, I just like the fact that Batman punches clowns.
Picking and choosing who to say happy birthday to since 2006, thanks Facebook!
Success sleeps with u in private. Failure insults u in public ! Aa
It’s not that I don’t care what you’re saying; I was just thinking about food.
Some of these Giraffe profile pictures are a vast improvement.
Ways to tell a woman is mad at you: 1. She is silent. 2. She is yelling. 3. She acts different. 4. She acts the same. 5. She kills you.
Well aren`t you a f*cking waste of two billion years of evolution.
When I said I missed you, I meant with a hammer.
I don’t know what my neighbor’s name is and we’ve been neighbors too long for me to ask.
Wine improves with age. I improve with wine.
Nice try blocked number, but I don`t even answer my phone when I know who`s calling.
I have always wanted to start a brand of Christian themed lollipops and call them Catho-licks.
I think Facebook now comes under the housework category.
Too many people complain about their looks, but not nearly enough complain about their brains.