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Waiting to see how long it takes this police sketch artist to realize I`m describing him.
Relationship status: my cat won`t sit still for our selfies.
I`ve disappointed a lot of people in my life, you`re not special.
My neighbor just spent $237.43 at the vet, that`s $1,662.01 in dog dollars.
Free will is good, but free pizza is better.
So when is this `old enough to know better` suppose to kick in ?
It`s funny how you think it`s your cat leaving all those dead birds on your doorstep.
A dozen roses: $12, a box of chocolates: $10, a Happy Valentines Day card: $2, still having $24 dollars because you`re single: priceless!
Mom: If all your friends jumped off a cliff would you do it too? Me: If all parents used that same metaphor would you use it too?
Carfax but for people
hey single people..tomorrow is officially `rebound day` after all the ridiculously high romantic expectations end in `epic fail`
I know I`ve had enough to drink when I have to concentrate to blink.
People who get offended on the internet are the same people who take mini golf seriously.
What do women want? The opposite of whatever they have.
Hi, you`ve reached my voicemail. Why are you doing this?