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I don’t have a problem with caffeine.I have a problem without caffeine.
I saved someone`s life today. Well, I resisted the urge to strangle the life out of some idiot. That`s the same thing, right?
Fun Fact: A pizza will never sleep with your best friend behind your back.
I never meant to be so cold, I never meant to be so cold. - Mother nature
Lazy Fact #69302246777573 - You were too lazy to read that number.
Just realized that 90% of Disney cartoons involve lying about your identity to get someone to love you.
It`s not condescending if they`re stupid.
Life is different in Christian frats: “You should’ve seen this hot chick I didn’t bang.” “Way to save it for marriage, bro.” *fist bump*
Who`s more foolish, a fool or the person who takes a fool`s advice?
Pizza will never tell you you`re fat unless you`re high as sh!t, then pizza is probably suggesting you fight an aardvark to lose weight.
Do you know what I hate worse than people? Groups of people.
I`m not the kind of guy to distance himself from anything... Far from it.
I’m a fan of saying YOU’RE WELCOME really loudly when people don’t thank you.
If I get a million likes on Facebook......not a damn thing will change.
I bet there are muppets that have thought about shanking Elmo.