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Perfect relationships exist in thoughts, movies, and Facebook timelines.
JOKE OF THE YEAR: Two women were sitting quietly together, minding their own business.
"Let`s give the bad guy a ponytail." - 80s movies
Does anyone know how much water I`m supposed to add to this baby powder, to make an infant?
The whole purpose of vacationing is to make you appreciate knowing where the channels are at home.
I`m not crazy, I`m just special!!...No, wait...Maybe I am crazy. One second...I have to talk to myself about this, hold on...
I saw a lady with twins babies. One had a shirt that said ‘Copy’ the other ‘Paste’. That made my day.
they say winning doesnt matter then why they had kept scores
if you were 2 times as smart as you are now ... you would still be stupid
Wow, I didn`t know my ex was into orgies until I saw the ad on Craig`s list I just posted.
Roses are red, violets are blue, the boss snuck out early, so I left too.
How come people who think they know everything never seem to know when to shut up?
No matter how fast you run, the serial killer always walks faster.
Make any conversation awkward by pulling out and starting a stopwatch without saying why you`re doing it.
I`m returning these Gushers. They taste like sh!t. "Sir. Those are paintballs." Oh. I`m returning these paintballs. Someone ate a few.